Headstrong
by yamiskoi
Summary: Ryou begins to slit his wrists whilst he gets constantly abused by his family, Bakura and several friends. Will he suicide and give Bakura what he thinks he wants? If he doesn't, will Bakura's ideaologies haunt him... Forever? Songfic.
1. Slitting and the beginning of abuse

Yami's koi: I'm feeling pretty depressed today, so I've decided to write another angst fic... but not based solely on suicide.

Bakura: It's about either me or Ryou isn't it? Don't lie. I can see that 'I wanna make Bakura and Ryou suffer' glint in your eye again.

Yami's koi: sure it's not a tear? Anyways... see ya at the bottom... --

Lyrics

_ Circling you, circling your, circling your head, contemplating everything you ever said, now I see the truth. _

I'm not a perfect person, but I've found out a reason to show you who I am. And my reason... is him.

Whether or not we hate each other, or never speak again, is a debate that has raged through my head for many months now. Many people have hurt me before, so he sees no reason in not abusing me.

Yes. I have endured emotional pain, and physical. And yet I am still undergoing the large thoughts that scream at me, arguing at which can be the most painful. When both fused to make one whole emotion, they can be a burden so terrible, and cruel. Especially when I am in this world.

_ I got a doubt, A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out: See you later _

Where can I begin...? I guess it all started when I lost my mother. I would be... fourteen at the time. She lies now, buried beneath the British Earth in which was once the ground I walked upon. My father... was obviously devastated. Torn by his despair, the answer of leaving his grief behind finally came to him. I spent my fifteenth birthday in England before we moved here... to Tokyo.

Ever since then my father... now a changed, corrupted man... betrays me. He sits on his ass all fucking day whilst I work my hands to the bone... when I'm not being beaten by him, or Bakura, of course.

_ I see your fantasy, You wanna make it a reality paved in gold, See inside, Inside of our heads yeah, Well now that's over. _

Hai... I should almost blame myself. I never meant for this to develop so fast. Bakura, that bastard, threatens me daily. Within the next hour he shall return home... and see what I have done. I hope this will please him... perhaps he will see that I can do at least one thing right, even if in death. Yes, he probably wants me dead so he can take over my body... huh.

One day they will push me too far, and I will suicide. I may not be violent towards others but... of late, I have found myself becoming increasingly more abusive to my own shell. Bakura of course doesn't notice. He probably sees them and is pleased, dismissing these scars as marks he himself has printed upon my skin. As for my father... he is too drunk to even recognise me.

_ I see your motives inside, decisions to hide. _

Well, you can drink yourself blind. And, Bakura, when wanking yourself off runs its course and becomes too boring for you, I hope you evolve into something so lonely that you die. But then again... you don't deserve death. And neither do you deserve life.

Many have often stated to me how uncannily alike me and Bakura are in appearance. Oh but if they only knew... just how well the concepts of hikari and yami are demonstrated in our so-called relationship.

I have coveted a razorblade from in the bathroom, and it is only I who knows of its whereabouts. I have hidden it securely under my bed, and now it resides in my hand.

_ Back off, I'll take you on: Headstrong, to take on anyone. I know that you are wrong Headstrong... we're Headstrong. Back off, I'll take you on. Headstrong to take on anyone. I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong. _

It is odd, cutting one's self. To think that something so... cold and empty... can become so addictive, and satisfying. Almost like a razorblade romance. Well, if this concept of mine is true, then this will be a razorblade kiss...

My wrist rises automatically to collide with the blade in my right hand. I spare no moment on hastily running the metal along my wrist, making an unbearably shallow scratch in my flesh. Not even the tiniest droplet of blood can be seen.

I am infuriated. The amount of times I have seen my father with cuts on his face... unless that was gained from consuming an alcohol overdose and then attempting to shave. That would be a reasonable assumption, ne?

_ I can't give everything away... I won't give everything away... _

In some ways I do not want to suicide. It would only be giving Bakura what he wanted above all else. It makes you sick, doesn't it? To think that two people can be bonded so well only to have one destroying the other with such brutal force. To have one so betrayed and broken. So solitary and grim.

I know that my slashes will never deepen if I dwell on some reason or another. My breathing slows to calm me from my rage. With a smirk almost as evil as my yami's, I begin to move my blade again.

_ Conclusion manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best... _

Using my will, I force all of my strength down to my hand. When it draws along the length of my wrist to complete a cut, I finally see blood. I withdraw the sharp device and stare in satisfaction when it trickles down to my elbow, in one very thin line. It almost appears like silk when it shines so in the light.

Odd, isn't it? How so many can actually be so deadened by grief. I hate those bastards who consider suicide and self-harm as a mental illness. We wouldn't do this for no particular reason: it'd not for fun. And neither are the reasons why we do this.

_ I see you're full of shit and that's all right, That's how you play, I guess you'll get through every night, Well now that's over. _

Mental illnesses cause you to do something less extreme than this, yes, but this is an action of grief. We aren't maddened by depression, it doesn't control me... and yet I do not control it. Iie, the only one who does have powers over this are our reasons why we are in such position anyway.

The beautifully textured blood drips onto the floor. Thankfully this is a room without a carpet, so I won't have to clean the bugger up for over an hour to shift it.

_ I see your fantasy, you wanna make it a reality paved in gold, see inside, inside of our heads yeah, well now that's over. I see your motives inside... decisions to hide. _

My wrist holding the blade almost moves of its own accord when it continues to bite along the skin. I always love this part... where the blood, trapped between escape and a knife, follows the edge of the knife when it moves, every single droplet captured onto the cold metal. And when it dries, that's a colour I adore, too. Ah, the very liquid that gives me life – which I do not want – transfixes me. Ironic, really.

I decide this is enough... for now. I lift the freely bleeding wrist to my mouth and begin to gently suck on the blood that is there. I love the coppery, salty substance almost as much as slitting my wrists.

To avoid any suspicions arising, I wear a sweatband on my wrist to conceal my scars. Occasionally people must catch a glimpse of the mars there, but I cannot care for that. My business is my own, and my revenge is about Bakura.

_ I know, I know all about, I know, I know all about, I know, I know all about, I know, I know all about your motives inside... decision to hide... _

Speaking of him, he's here. Now. Slowly I replace the blade underneath the 'emergency towels,' cover my blood on the floor using my foot and get my sweatband over the still bleeding cut.

General POV, Past tense

"Hello darkness," Ryou hissed his eyebrows nearing his eyes dangerously. Bakura in turn returned the usual greeting.

"Hi bitch," He growled, stalking over to his hikari. Without warning, his fist clenched and collided forcefully into Ryou's back. With a cry, Ryou staggered forwards, this only encouraging his yami to abuse him further, with more force. Ryou allowed his eyes to close; ready for whatever Bakura had to do to him.

For it would NEVER compare to how he really felt inside.

Yami's koi: Still depressed. Let me know if you want another chapter, I have a good idea of where to lead this. I know Ryou's suicidal thoughts are getting overdone, especially with Good Riddance (Time of your Life), which is out now, if anyone's interested.

Ryou: it's about me again. Sweat drops And I'm not even your favourite character!

Yami's koi: nah, Bakura is. Then Yami, then Yugi, THEN you, then... Jou. Gotta love his thug theory, and dumbass attitude.

Bakura: since I actually want Hikari Suicide to be completed, I'll kill Neutral Man!

Yami's koi: okay then. So... reviews are loved greatly. I have other angst fics out if you're interested. Plushie of sulking Seto to reviewers. BYE!


	2. Diary and a getaway

Yami's koi: _possessed ..._I'll be what I am... a Solitary Man.

Bakura: WAKE UP! Now... why did you do two more suicide fics on Ryou?

Yami's koi: because I'm down for one reason or another... but that helps me to write angsty stuff!

Ryou: _possessed_ wake up, wake up, wake up, its time to make a move... _wakes_ Hello? Oh yeah... I forgot, you're trying to kill me off again!

Yami's koi: things are getting creepy here... more later.

Ryou to Bakura Bakura to Ryou

Ryou lay still on the ground, his eyes scrunched shut. His hands had reflexively buried themselves underneath him so that retaliation was not possible, a thing he had managed to teach himself. The dull throbbing pain from underneath his sweatband began to ebb away, just where his cuts were and a small area around it, but this was ignored. All of Ryou's assertiveness had gone now, fled when Bakura had made that first strike.

For one moment, nothing could be seen moving. Then Ryou shifted slightly, and his darkness leapt on his back, his feet balanced on the prominent bones of his hikari's back, right on a nerve. Ryou gritted his teeth, yet still a loud whine could be distinguished beneath.

"Still as weak as ever, bastard?" Bakura sneered, making a small jump on the flesh again. Ryou arched his back with a whimper and, as an effect; Bakura lost his balance and fell to the floor, beside his hikari.

This spelt deep shit for Ryou. Especially when Bakura gingerly touched his own lip, seeing the blood smear on his fingertips. Ryou felt a hand roughly grab him by the shoulders and turn him so that he was lying on his back and not his stomach. Bakura's face was menacing, so deathly. His lips were curled into a snarl, his throat emitting a growl, his eyes reflecting the most deadly of all punishments, for the worst form of crime.

Somewhere, Ryou knew, behind those honey-coloured eyes, there would be the Tomb Robber's inner person, the one who he should be.

And yet that is a concept hard to grasp. Bakura with a more sensitive side to him, one which when surfaced can be beautiful, something so good-natured and kind, someone untainted by hatred. Yet, Ryou used to be that one person, could still be that to Bakura. And yet even then, when that same boy could see his own fearful reflection in his yami's eyes, he doubted that even in Bakura's Egyptian life he was any of those things. And that is pretty sad.

Bakura thrusted his hand forwards, onto Ryou's chest, his fingers digging into the skin when he grabbed his hikari's shirt and pulled him up slightly, so that he could scream right in his face.

"You made me mark my face, bastard," He hissed, reaching two fingers into the sensitive, fleshy side of Ryou's stomach. The Light, in turn, cried out, attempting to retreat. Bakura released a deathly howl, and retracted his fingers in disgust.

"See. So weak you can only stand the torture that is not even a feeling to me. How pathetic." Bakura whispered, in a voice too low for Ryou's liking. He could perceive what would occur now, having known such pattern for a while now.

Bakura would abuse his shell for what seemed the most unendurable ten minutes of Ryou's life. Ryou would attempt no revenge on the snowy haired tomb robber, and neither would he cry. It hurt too much even for that.

With his light in such a preoccupied state, Bakura noted this and used it to his advantage. Firstly he smirked, then began to exercise his power once more. With his right fist he rammed it into Ryou's gut, hard enough to wind the poor boy. Ryou staggered back several paces, clutching his stomach, whilst attempting madly to regain air. If Bakura would allow him. Which, of course, he didn't.

But instead of using his feet and legs for the next half of his torture, Bakura reached into his back pocket... and produced a knife. Being oblivious to all this, Ryou shot a glance of pure, cold fury at his darkness... before his eyes widened in realisation.

"Do you even know what I am about to do with this, little one?" Bakura sneered, using it to point at his light's attentive, terrified face. Wherever the blade went, Ryou's eyes followed it. He would NOT get stabbed, he would NOT get stabbed, he would NOT—

"I can guess," Ryou answered, too cockily for the Tomb Robber's liking. His eyes narrowed, and the knife just scraped the side of Ryou's face, threateningly.

"Do you want me to use this to fuck you with?"

Ryou cried out at that. Of all the things he had ever imagined his yami to be, he had never thought him to be a rapist.

"You're--?"

"Fuck, what do you take me for?" Bakura shouted, pressing the flatness of the knife against Ryou's pale cheek once more, just to remind him that he was very capable of using a blade. "I don't rape, Ryou. I hurt. I give you pain because it is the only way you will become strong."

'Interesting theory,' Ryou thought darkly, still wary of the knife that was stroking his cheek. Despite what his darkness claimed himself to be, Ryou could not banish the feeling of complete disloyalty and betrayal welling up in the pit of his stomach.

Then the feeling was gone... as was the knife away from his cheek. Ryou breathed a sigh of relief, before getting suckerpunched by his yami, right in the gut. Fuck, it hurt the tenshi so much he fell to the floor, crying out at both sources of pain. He heard Bakura sneer something above him, and from there onwards Ryou's eyes adopted a strange, lifeless look. He had nothing more to care for.

Once he knew that Bakura had left the property completely, Ryou rose, whimpering still at the ache. He finally made it to his room, where, after double-checking that Bakura would not come back to abuse him some more, Ryou opened a small box underneath his bed. It contained his journal, the one that he had been given as a birthday present... his fifteenth birthday...

With a small sigh, Ryou began to read the scrawl he had written on the plane to Tokyo.

_Tuesday 18th August 2003: 23:45._

_I don't know why, but I am missing my mother more than ever, now that I know I have left her forever. I press my face against the glass, but I can only see darkness, the moon distantly shining ahead of us. I am well aware that I shall be quite jet-lagged for a while, due to the nine-hour time difference from British Time to Japanese, but I cannot sleep when in such an uncomfortable position. Such a trait I have inherited from my mother..._

... _I realise that if I fall into depression, nothing shall be gained for me of worth at my new school. Of course, things will be difficult enough for me already: not knowing anyone is a slightly daunting prospect. Additionally, I have always been a solitary figure to others, even in my previous school. Still... I hope the people there are nice. And I also hope that my accent is overlooked. _

_Otousama is asleep beside me, and I finger the Millennium Ring around my neck with slight unease. Ever since I have freed my darkness from this divine object, I have been living in a fear that, one day, he will kill me. I fear nothing but Bakura now. The spiritual being that resides within this relic brings me nothing but pain. Not that it is nothing I cannot take... for now, it is just the occasional bruising, with many more insults than actual violence. I pray to Ra that no one suspects that these are self inflicted scars. _

_Yes... I believe in Ra. At least my religious beliefs are shared with Bakura. How odd it is, to have a yami. I deem that the other wielder's of a Millennium Item possess a coequal themselves. _

_Though, I must wonder, do they get abused, too? Have they ever lived in fear that they will be beaten so hard that their body will not repair itself? Have they ever been emotionally scarred when an insult, however insincere or untruthful it may be, has been thrown their way? _

_Or is their yami a complete opposite of my own? Do they actually care for the hikari they have been freed by, and protect them from all things dark, instead of drawing them into foul plots? _

_Bloody hell. I'm so bored. I'm surprised that I haven't started to twiddle my thumbs for a bit. That prospect seems better than anything, especially communicating with that baka, Bakura. Baka Bakura? How corny... it seems he has also addled my brainpower... unless that's just the current time. _

_Well, it's almost midnight. I guess I'll be attempting sleep now... 'Night._

_ Ryou _

Ryou blinked and reread the piece, his eyes lingering on the small section he had written about yami's, and their relationships with their hikari's. He had soon found out the answer to that question... the characteristics of one's darkness depended solely on not only the counterpart, but on their desires. Using Yami as an example, and his aims, Ryou could tell that these differed from that of Marik's past intent. It seemed that Bakura was the only evil one remaining.

Again Ryou sighed, risking a glance at the clock. Yet at that moment, the phone beside Ryou's single bed rang. Regretfully he picked it up.

"Ryou Bakura?" He asked, emotionlessly.

"Hi Ryou!" It was Yugi. "We were gonna hook up with Jou and Seto today, but they cancelled. Do you wanna come over here instead? You can sleep over too, if you want."

For the first time in many weeks, Ryou allowed himself a pure smile, devoid of any pain. "Sure. I'll just go tell arsehole where I'm going."

Bakura, I'm going over to Yugi's for the night. I won't be back until... hang on...

"Yugi? What time do you want me to leave your house tomorrow?"

"Well, I... QUIT that, Yami... um... is one thirty okay for you?" He asked, both knowing that the question was rhetorical. Anything to get away from his abuser for a day was paradise, even if for a short period of time.

"Sure! I'll be over in about ten minutes!" Ryou confirmed, hanging up when they had exchanged their good byes.

Bakura, I'm going Yugi's. I won't be back until one thirty tomorrow.

Ryou announced again, blocking Bakura's speech from his mind swiftly after saying this. He did not want Bakura to prevent him from a blissful few hours without his presence.

Hastily stuffing underwear, pyjamas, his duelling deck and other small items into a nearby duffel bag, Ryou began to set out. Halfway, however, his father saw him.

"Peace man..." He slurred, both drunk and stoned. Too pissed to hurt his son, for once. Therefore, Ryou simply smiled and went on his merry way, cheering only when he was a safe distance away from the house.

Ha, fuck Bakura. What could Ryou possibly hope for that was any better than this? With an enormous beaming smile placed upon his lips, the young teen began jogging towards his companion's house, feeling positively delighted about his plans.

Yugi's house

DRRRRRRIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!

Ryou pressed on the doorbell excitedly, grinning as he saw two tri-coloured haired figures approaching him from behind the misted glass.

"Password?" Yami asked, through the letterbox. Ryou set down his bag and crouched down, staring into the small slot.

"Um... Lemme in now?"

Yami's eyes seemed to smile. "Nope. Try once more and I might reconsider, depending on how good your guess is. Here's a clue... it's an ode for me."

Ryou sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Yami Mutou is the most intelligent, compassionate, and brilliant of all yami's. He deserves to be awarded with a medal for his efforts in caring for others."

Yami shrugged, straightening. "It will do," he announced proudly, opening the door for Ryou's entry. "Although you did forget just how handsome and irresistible I am."

Ryou rolled his eyes once more. "Oh, sure Yami. And look!" He exclaimed in mock excitement, pointing to the window just visible from where he stood, in the hallway. "I can just make out a pig there, on the horizon, soaring off into the distance..."

Yami growled playfully in his throat.

"So Ryou... what finally made Bakura decide to let you out?" Yugi asked curiously, leading them into the living room area of the building. Ryou's smile faded a fraction, but did not allow any thought of his darkness take over him. His rage could be saved for later, for when he really needed it.

"Well, basically I used the mind link to talk to him. As soon as I told him where I was going... I slammed the block up." Ryou answered, fiddling with his T-shirt slightly. Being within Yami's presence usually did not seem to intimidate him... however; it was not just Yami's eyes that were narrowed with suspicion.

"You... had to put the block up? Is he really so..." Yugi struggled to find a word without accusing Bakura too much.

"Violent?" Yami assisted, watching Ryou's face intently for a reaction. The snowy haired tenshi bowed his head, staring at the floor. This really was not what he desired to talk about. Yet regardless of how he felt, Ryou knew that he had to answer. He had left both Mutou's in the shadows about this for so long now, and they deserved a valuable explanation. After all, for friendship to function properly, it is vital for their to be either no secrets, or very few of them.

"Yes..." Ryou whispered, raising his head to look straight back into burning crimson eyes and gorgeous, innocent lavender.

Yami's lips, however, curved up into a small smile. "Just as I suspected." He murmured, regarding Ryou's sweatband with interest. "Ryou, would you care to lift your sweatband to prove to my hikari the extent of Bakura's abuse?"

"Yami, I really don't think you should--" Yugi faded out, eyeing Ryou's fresh scars with horror. "Ryou!"

The beautiful boy could not bear to look into those amethyst orbs of sorrow any longer, speedily averting the gaze when they chanced to tear themselves away from the freshly cut slashes.

Yami took a different approach. Instead of recoiling and whimpering, he extended a finger and gingerly traced the line of dried blood, sighing when Ryou flinched slightly. The Pharaoh knew that he could not prevent the hikari from doing anything too dangerous: the proof was already there that his life was a living doom. And yet he knew that his aibou, his lover, would not accept this.

"I know that I can't go back and change what marks I have made here," Ryou said, carefully selecting every word, "But I do not wish to die. I have friends, even though my father and Bakura don't appreciate that. I just don't want to die when he beats me... I don't want my yami to become a murderer..." He whispered, a tear falling down his cheek silently.

What startled Ryou the most was when Yugi lifted his finger and delicately caught the tear, rubbing gently at the visible moist track it had left. His eyes reflected what Ryou's mind did: sorrow, and a feeling of great loss. Ryou smiled slightly, and wiped his eyes fully.

"Arigatou, Ryou. It couldn't have been easy to do that." Yugi stated simply. "I know that... you don't want to die. You are always welcome here, my friend. If you ever need me, you know my cell number. It'll be on at anytime..."

Ryou's smile widened, a new strength created inside of him. "Iie, Arigatou, Yugi. I didn't expect you to be so calm about this."

"He knows that your intentions are not to die willingly," Yami said, inputting with a small smirk. "But, in any case, you should never take this from Bakura again. And you should never let him make you cut yourself again... how many marks here? Seven? Better than I anticipated. Now..." His smirk widened further. "Let's head off upstairs and get you settled in. You're not going home for another three days. We will all go over together and get any other things you need from your house, preferably when your father is not home... I think aibou's slight outburst last time fucked him up pretty badly."

Stars shone in Ryou's eyes. Four days without Bakura... This would be very interesting...

Yami's koi: the lack of angst in this chapter is surprising, but never mind. Um... I'm thinking of doing a Lord of the Rings parody with the Yugioh cast replacing those cute actors... what do you people think? Please send me a review with your thoughts on this. I am very undecided on this idea and feel you should... does that sound too prepared to you?

Neutral Man: yes. What she means to say is review her seven times a day, then another five saying what you think about the LOTR parody.

Yami's koi: that would be nice, but I would know that not all seven or all five of those reviews would be sincere.

Neutral Man: for reviewing this chapter, you get a plushie of... a shirtless Malik!

Yami's koi: surprise! Well, Luvvies... please review and tell me about my idea!


	3. Ryou snaps a vein and Bakura's plan fail...

Yami's koi: wahey! Aren't I just so irresistibly brilliant?

Neutral Man: er, what did I put in your food today?

Yami's koi: nothing… I hope. Ha! I have returned, but I'm real pissed off right now. You see, my sister is being a bitch and fucking up my dreams. She wants to be a shrink, and I wanna be an author. You tell me which is more likely.

Neutral Man: she'll probably be happier at the end…

Yami's koi: will I fuck. Um… I get that Ryou's dad is an archaeologist, and in this chapter, all will be revealed…

Neutral Man: ooh, spooky. See ya later.

/Yugi to YamiYami to YugiRyou to Bakura Bakura to Ryou Malik to Marik Marik to Malik

The only flaw in Yami's well-conducted plan was the fact that all of them were to be seeing Bakura. At one they had planned to revisit the household that was more akin to a trash pile, with both Bakura and Ryou's father in it.

Ryou thought back and imagined how things used to be back in England. Things were so much different then, when compared to the lifestyle he now participated in.

_Flashback._

"_Home once again…" Ryou sang slightly to himself, slinging his bag onto a nearby chair. Interestingly the alarm was not in need of turning off… how odd. His father should not be home yet; he wasn't due back in the country for another three weeks... and his mother would be either at work or a friend's residence. Ryou's brain connected and his heart rate began to pick up once more. Unsurely he stepped forward. _

"_Hello…?" Ryou asked in a small cry, fingering his Millennium Ring with slight unease. The ghostly presence of Bakura materialised behind him, following his weaker host. His eyes were narrowed considerably, almost as if he could sense the people in the adjacent room. Still, Bakura could not forget how to sense such things he had used practically weekly when alive in Ancient Egypt. He had managed to remain undetected when using such a skilful, effective tactic… _

_Without much warning, and to Bakura's greatest disgust, Ryou wrenched open the door, which led to the Dining room. Here he saw his father, and several people whom he did not recognise. All seemed very grave. _

"_Dad? I didn't think that you'd be--"_

"_Ryou…" He interrupted softly, shaking his head as he approached his son. His eyes were dark, probably from his usual lack of sleep. He lay one hand heavily on Ryou's shoulder, and looked down at him sorrowfully. On closer inspection, Ryou could detect an intense amount of despondence that shadowed all other emotion. His posture seemed to be one of defeat and, for one slight moment, Ryou thought that he had lost his job. Why else would he have returned from work, in Egypt, if nothing else? _

"_It is your mother, Ryou. She has been diagnosed." _

_Ryou blinked. His heart began to race… what had happened to his mother? Would she live? Had she merely found herself misunderstood and therefore admitted to hospital? _

_Finding his voice again proved difficult. A small lump seemed to have formed within his throat, causing his voice to be slightly scratchy. "What with?" _

_Yaten sighed. "That is the problem. We do not know." _

_Ryou dreaded the answer to his next question. "And is she… will she… be okay?" He gave a hopeful smile at his father's face, before registering the look of complete grief and loneliness once more. Nothing, not even the largest beating in the world, would deny that depression. "Dad?" _

"_I am sorry." Yaten mumbled, after a slight silence. "She is dead." _

_Ryou's eyes immediately began to well up with tears. He had loved his mother so dearly…_

_End Flashback._

Ryou sighed. This would be something to dread. Although seventeen, he thought, as he regarded his features in the mirror, he had not altered greatly from that disastrous day, now seemingly a lifetime away. The sun had not tanned his pale skin, yet had been kissed by violence many times. His hair shone like silver in any light, creating the slight illusion that there was a hint of pale blue in his hair. Ryou's eyes were soft and chestnut-like, and had once been very innocent. Now they seemed cold and empty, bearing no lingering emotion.

What Yugi had just said was… beautiful. If Yami had not taken Yugi… well, he would be the one that Ryou would choose to love. Not that he had any actual desire for his friend… but Yugi was easy to love, and knew how to in return.

Ryou sighed heavily. There had always been a statement within his mind in which he had created upon seeing Bakura, and he intended to keep saying it. It was thus: _'Although many have been hurt, there is naught more powerful than the cold existence of a loveless child.' _

Ryou had always managed to think of a sentence, or several, inspired by a certain person. Upon seeing Marik, for example, it had been _'Call the fucking fire department!' _Whereas when he first saw Yugi, it had been, _'Innocence cannot be denoted to just childhood, but to every person when someone else sees something that no one else can.'_

Ryou even had such a sentence in his mind whenever he saw himself. It was: _'Scars say a lot about a person's character. I just think that those committing suicide have a lot more to say about the world.' _

A slightly tanned hand came to rest upon Ryou's head, and the boy sighed in response. Glancing in the mirror, he saw it was Yami.

"Are you ready?" The Pharaoh asked softly, turning the hikari around. Ryou nodded, attempting to have at least a slight amount of courage in his eyes.

"Hai."

Yami flashed him a small smile. "Good."

_Ryou's house_

"Open the fucking door!" Yami screamed, banging his fists repeatedly against the wood. "OPEN UP, YOU ASS-FUCKER!"

"Er, wouldn't that be you, Pharaoh?" Ryou asked, sounding uncannily alike to his yami. The pale haired boy blinked, and shook his head. He opened his mouth to speak…

Yet when he next spoke, his voice was cold, sharp and cruel.

"I wouldn't even DARE to knock one more time on that door, Pharaoh!" Ryou snarled, snapping Yami's hand back. The Game King's eyes searched the hikari's in front of him, then flickered back to Yugi.

"I am sorry." He hissed, before taking Yugi's hand and striding off huffily, taking with him the bewildered, heart-shattered form of his light and lover.

Whilst the blinking Ryou stood at the porch, a broken expression tearing out the hearts of many passers-by, his coequal stood above the unknowing boy, hanging out of the upstairs window.

"Well done, my puppet," Bakura hissed, happiness and victory glistening in his eyes, before slamming shut the window. Surely that would lure suspicion to him? And when he would be confronted, Ryou would be so full of rage that he would accuse him, blind to the punishment not far after.

Bakura settled back against the wall, sat down and relaxed. Then his smirk returned once more, and he felt satisfied.

"And now, I believe, begins the fun."

_Malik and Marik_

"Greetings, oh mighty Pharaoh!" Marik sneered, practising once more in front of the mirror his daily ritual since Battle City. It seemed that he liked to ensure that his voice had never quite lost the thick accent upon saying that small phrase. After all, what would both Ishtar's be without their accents?

Malik sat beside him, watching and yet not. Sure, he was looking at his darkness, yet he wasn't actually concentrating on him. Marik could complete this ritual every minute for all that Malik cared, but the troubled Ishtar could sense something.

Many hardships can bring out the best in a person… or the worse. A mere two years ago, Malik had nearly taken over the world, and destroyed everyone in it, just for the Millennium Items. Yet now, he was a changed person. And he could sense when someone was in danger.

Earlier, when completing his usual morning wallowing in the bath, the warm water splashing gently against his smooth, tanned skin, the Tomb Keeper gasped. His back arched higher than what he had ever achieved before, even when indulging in lovemaking. A sharp, defiant pain burned on his back, lingering especially on the tattoo he now sought to conceal from enemy Duellists. The sharp shots of pain outlined the Egyptian hieroglyphs, and then the other images, before spreading in slowly to colour the remainder. Malik squirmed and cried out, standing in the bath whilst his back throbbed with pain. He closed his eyes, wishing for it to stop…

And then, suddenly, it vanished. There was no after affect – no burning or stings – just… nothing. And, checking his back afterwards whilst dressing, he cold not detect any visible change to his back. What the hell was going on?

Unexpectedly, Malik realised with a jolt that Marik had been watching him, giving him that long, lustful gaze he always did.

You seem distracted, Malik.

Malik sighed, standing so that those strong, powerful arms could embrace him once more. His chin rested on Marik's shoulder, and Malik's eyes closed when his arms wound around his darkness' neck.

I guess so.

Marik pulled back slightly to stare into his lover's eyes. Not true. You know that something is up, and so do I. So give already! Tell me, koi… please…

Malik pulled him closer, and backed onto the bed so that they could both sit. "Today I… felt my tattoo burn."

His darkness laughed slightly. "Oh, is that all? Silly koi… you should know better than to get worked up over a slight twinge of pain! It probably hurts more to know that you love me!"

"True," Malik jested. Marik shot him a threatening image into his light's mind, causing Malik to smirk. Pulling back from the embrace slightly, Malik leaned up and kissed his lover's lips, access into Marik's warm, wet cavern granted immediately.

_Yugi and Yami_

"He is so… ARGH!" Yugi cried out suddenly, collapsing into a chair as if exhausted. "We ask him to stay at ours for four days, which he accepts gladly. Then he treats us really badly and basically tells us to fuck off! How can he look so normal?!"

Yami eyed his aibou with slight concern. Yugi rarely swore, so this surprised him. "Koi, you're just tired. Which is… probably my fault."

Yugi sighed and put his head in his hands, leaning on the desk near his large chair. /I know it is, baka! You were the one who insisted on-- /

Oh, don't blame it all on me, you were the one who was moaning my name till three am!Yami argued, reaching over and tickling his koi slightly. Yugi squirmed slightly, but did not laugh.

"Yami… I really don't think that we should have left him there like that. We were being really unfair."

Yami growled. "He deserves to be treated that way, if that is the way we shall be treated in return. Huh. He's probably stooping so low as to fuck the Tomb Robber now."

"Yami! Ryou's not that kind of person! He'd never lose his virginity to a gie like Bakura!" Yugi retaliated.

"Then what's your excuse, hmmm?" Yami asked seductively, lifting Yugi up to straddle his hips. Their lips were just inches away from the other's. "Come on, Yugi. Even you have desires… right?" Yami whispered, gently pressing Yugi's back against the wall, grinding their hips together gently. Already Yugi could feel his darkness' erection against his hips.

"You've been aroused since we left Ryou, haven't you?" Yugi whimpered, the grinding beginning to _really _affect him. Yami nodded.

"Hell yeah. I was watching your sexy ass stride off in anger and I got hot."

_Ryou and Bakura_

"BAAAAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Ryou screamed, standing at the bottom of the stairs. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Bakura appeared at the top of the stairs, a secretive smirk on his face.

"Oh, I thought the Pharaoh had asked you over his for a while. So I decided to clean the kitchen. Do you like it?"

Ryou's eyes narrowed, imitating his darkness'. "YOU _KNOW _THAT IS NOT THE REASON WHY I AM HERE! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM??!"

Bakura released a haunting laugh, stepping aside so that Yaten could push past, staggering blindly into the bathroom. Ryou grimaced slightly at the howls, yet kept his rage at the surface.

"QUIT THAT! Now tell me… what did you do to make them leave me? I could have been away from you for four days, and you ruined it!!"

Bakura grinned. "What did _I _do? Ryou, I watched you from the upstairs window. You told them yourself that they shouldn't knock, and flicked the Pharaoh's hand away.

"The last part, of course, I was exceptionally proud about. So you've finally seen sense…" Bakura moved down the stairs and smirked widely. "But don't you… even feel guilty about what you have done? Or perhaps your desires sink further than that…" He whispered, touching Ryou's cheek. Ryou would have flinched back, had he not been so paralysed by Bakura's words. It had been… him… saying that? He had caused himself to lose his own friends? Fucking HELL!

"Demo, matte… I did that? Che…" Ryou whispered, ignoring Bakura's hand still touching his cheek. It was something that he was fully used to, after all. A blade and a hand, for the Tomb Robber, were no different. It could still kill. Ryou's best, rational thought was to remain very still – almost as if paralysed by fear.

Iie… fear was never something he expressed too frequently. Yet with Bakura… things had changed, and miraculously at that.

"Yes, Ryou…" Bakura continued, still in that low, husky voice he had. "You lost your own friends. And you will never get them back…"

Ryou dodged past the Tomb Robber without another word. He raced up to the bathroom… and locked the door. He knew what to do when he was this way… the only way of escape and solace was… to cut.

Ryou lifted the emergency towels and reached for the blade that he always used. It was, after all, the sharpest. Lifting his sweatband, Ryou smirked down at the line of dried blood that had formed there from earlier. Blood always left him this way… craving for more.

_Ryou's POV, present tense_

I stare down and dimly hear my clothes rustle when my right hand lifts absently, running the flat edge of the blade against the broken skin. Several parts of my dried blood break off at this motion, and I see the liquid slither out slowly… this being my sole delight.

The glistening texture brings nothing forth yet of the deep throbbing sensation that I desire, yet a miserable slight sting. Not even enough to make me gasp. I lean down and wipe away the blood, carelessly tucking several strands of hair behind my ear after.

Fuck… I've not even made a fresh cut yet, and already I bleed. As that bastard downstairs would say… 'How pathetic.'

I lay the razorblade's sharp edge against my wrist, pressing in lightly. I decide to do this to give myself a line to cut across… right above a central artery. Several swipes, given the right amount of force, and I shall achieve my goal. To have killed myself…

With this thought in mind, I position the dagger against my wrist once more and apply pressure. The pressure, I see, makes my wrist bend upwards slightly… which should be enough strength.

With a gasp, I sharply pull my blade across the pale expanse of my wrist, until my hand and blade soar through air. I take note that some layers of skin has been pierced, yet not enough to leak with blood. I impatiently brush away several loose skin pieces with the flat edge of my knife.

"That sucks," I mutter, a dark, sharp edge attacking my voice. Placing the razor exactly along the line of stinging sensation, I drag it, this time slowly and with more pressure applied. Victorious, I throw back my head and release an odd, banshee-like howl. Blood has always been… precious to me. I watch it slowly creep along the length of my killing tool, and then smudge across my once uncut wrist.

What Bakura has just said… it made me realise something. That I am always blaming him for whatever goes wrong within my life. Perhaps it is not always he, but myself, who causes pain…

Which ever way that pendulum swings, I am unprepared to accept its consequences. I may not believe it yet, and if I do, then I shall have to pay Bakura several apologies. And that is something that I do not relish, purely because it is something that he would.

Fuck this thinking. I have nothing left inside but emotion… and my angsty territory that shrouds me in grief.

A thin shimmer of blood runs along the flat edge of my blade, and I raise it to examine the dark substance. I turn my hand slightly to view it at differed angles, and it seems that I am displeased. From two slices… this is pathetic. Even Yugi could achieve more than this, and his arms greatly lack strength

With such a thought in mind, I place the blade back into the bleeding slice. Slowly I move the razor back along the flat width of my wrist, feeling it bite, watching intently and gladly when blood splatters slightly on the tiles beneath me. It is not much, yet I feel slightly more content. Its glistening texture allures me: this being my only love.

I slash along my wrist further up to make a fresh cut, where even more blue veins intersect. Three new wounds in one day. The kisses from this glorious blade slake my dehydration for suffering, quench my thirst for suicidal thoughts. Or, at least, for a while. This form of addiction… my Razorblade Romance… is almost an incurable existence for me. If I continue to do so many cuts per day… I fear that not even my sweatband will continue to hide my scars. Well… not that I am ashamed of how I am reacting to being so badly treated, but… the innocent will be.

Yet, one does not have to be willing to die if they mar themselves. In fact… I know of someone who has scarred themselves for life, yet is now happy, with a lover. And he is the one person whom I once trusted… and now have lost. This is the reason why I am here now. Because of… Yugi.

It startled me greatly, seeing Yugi pull up his jeans' leg, past his slender thighs, to reveal seven shooting scars, all intersecting across each other. They vividly stood out against the pale tones of his leg, and I was horrified. Yugi… the one deemed so pure and merry by all… was slicing open his skin. And for, in my opinion, an almost heartbreaking cause.

His yami. The Pharaoh had been critically ill, taken by surprise at an almost unheard of virus that attacked his immune system directly. At one point, it seemed likely for the Pharaoh to die. Yugi had barely left his side, yet when he did, I fear that was the time when he stole those kitchen knives… and began the addiction that may just kill me.

I add yet more pressure to my blade as it moves at a slow pace across my wrist, its continuous biting sting following the curve of the wound. I stare at the thin lines of blood now slithering down my skin, occasionally dripping onto the floor. I glance nearer towards the mirror, and see my own name. Strangely, this is not of my neat script, yet Bakura's difficult to read scrawl. Lowering my eyes from the sight, I note that the previous gash's blood that fell onto the floor has not been noticed, or noticed and mocked. I must clear all traces… before I leave.

Oddly, this does not hurt as much as before. Then, removing the blade once more, I note that the original coldness has vanished. The warmth of my blood quells the stinging sensations little, yet still enough for me to scoff.

More of the pain. I press down harder on my true delight, my addiction, and release another terrifying laugh. Yes… come back to me, the one I love… the item that may end my life in several days' time. I move the blade through my bleeding wound, quiet laughter causing my body to tremble. Without any form of warning, I scream out my delight, swiftly dragging my knife through my pierced skin, feeling it dig lower and lower… until…

FUCK! Che, che, che, che, che, che, che. I stagger forward slightly, my body bending towards the same direction. A shooting arc of pain is burning throughout my wrist, diffusing into the rest of my arm, exploding from a single point that I have finally achieved. Glancing down, I see a slightly coloured vein running along my arm… and my vision begins to turn black.

_Bakura_

"Let me in you bastard!" The Tomb Robber bellowed, hammering on the locked door of the bathroom, "OPEN UP!!"

Wait. What the hell was he doing? The almighty Tomb Robber never ceased until he achieved what he had set out to do. No matter how well constructed the slaves made the Tombs, Bakura had always been able to hack into the main burial chamber, and steal away with his delight. This door… he could knock down with his body if he so desired.

Just when he was contemplating this, and preparing to slam his entire body into the door, Bakura heard a small crash, and then the shattering of several glass items, mainly bath gels. With a snarl upon his face, Bakura took a running start, and threw himself at the wood.

He closed his eyes as soon as he realised that his plan had worked. Now that Bakura was in, he could…

Oh, shit. Blood… splattered on the tiles, around Ryou's bleeding body.

Ryou! Please! Wake up…

Bakura desperately called for a response through their link, reaching for Ryou's left hand to feel for a pulse… and was met with the slightly warm substance that was his hikari's blood.

Bakura's eyes widened. Upon closer examination, the Thief could see several veins split open and… his eyes blurring slightly with tears of guilt and realisation… he saw lying nearby the blade in which had caused this.

No… it was he who had caused Ryou to do this. Bakura backed away, and reached into his pocket frantically. He dialled 911, and waiting impatiently for someone to accommodate him. Screaming for an ambulance, and after being assured calmly that one would arrive shortly, Bakura pressed on the wound with his bare fingers, covering up the slash made. He shivered when the blood touched his skin again, hoping beyond hope that his hikari would be safe. This could not be happening… it was all just… so fast…

"No…" He whispered, shaking his head as a stray tear fell down his cheek silently. "You can't go…"

The sirens of a swiftly approaching ambulance could be heard as the Tomb Robber's loud, wailing sobs drew a line between fucked up and happiness.

Yami's koi: I'm not sure if I liked the slitting scene too much. And… I'm not sure if I should edge away from angst for a while and add some fluff between Bakura and Ryou, maybe some love? Or… should I continue to have Bakura being an abusive baka? Also, if you'd like to do any fan art of this ficcy, or any other done by me, then please, feel free to send me a link in your review! Or, mail me at either or . I'd love to see what I inspire!

Neutral Man: Yami's koi has begun to attempt to send emails to several reviewers. She also put in her real name at the bottom, so be sure to have a good laugh at that, too!

Yami's koi: Yeah. Well… I hope that you all have a Merry Christmas, and a highly happy New Year! And, with 2005 coming up shortly, I'll probably get more things to inspire me! Therefore… Fanfic Angst Ryou/OC suicides! Um… plushie to those who review. Please R/R! Luvvies… Happy Holidays!


	4. Bakura feels guilty

Yami's koi: hello! Ya all had a fucking ace Christmas? Got what you wanted, or enough cash to get what you want? Great!

Neutral Man: still sleepy Urgh… school…

Yami's koi: Two weeks is too short for Xmas holidays, right? Nods of approval from readers Oh, and, Hiro.P? You're the first person to say you'll do me some fan art! Thank you so much, I can't express that enough! This is especially for you. At the bottom, I'll talk again.

Bakura sat anxiously awaiting a doctor's response to his questions asked earlier. Although he knew that holding a knife in a hospital was probably highly unacceptable, Bakura was dimly aware that Ryou's… slitting… tool was still in his hands. He was almost certainly attracting stares from other visitors, or the occasional patients that were brought past on stretchers.

The worst thing of all that absorbed many looks was the dried blood on Bakura's lips, from where he had fallen earlier that day, and the ruby red substance, finally drying, that lay still on the razor. If holding the blade wasn't enough to make the Tomb Robber hurl, then the blood that he had helped to spill would.

Doors swung open, and Bakura chanced a glance upwards, almost hopelessly. His lack of hope was confirmed when it was a sobbing mother, being guided in with a screaming child in her arms, whose thumb was almost severed off. Bakura made himself look away as they rushed past. The infant's thumb… and the amount of blood… only reminded him of the rippling, cooling liquid that was still spreading further into the tiles when he had left.

Again the doors were forcefully pushed open. Bakura looked up for a moment, and, before he could realise who it was, he looked down. Familiarisation finally kicking in, his head shot back up.

It was the Pharaoh, little Yugi and Sugoruko. All looked extremely worried, and tearful. All except from one, and even Honda could have anticipated his next move. Yami approached the King of Thieves, grabbed onto Bakura's shirt, and began snarling in his face. His crimson eyes were alight with disgust, his cheeks flushed from his anger.

"What insanity drove you to do this to him?" He hissed, paying no heed to Yugi's automatic begging.

"I… what, you think that I did this to Ryou? Fuck OFF, PHARAOH! AND… AND GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Bakura screamed, brandishing the knife he still held in the Game King's face.

Yami withdrew slightly but did not stop. He was eyeing the blade warily: but knew that Bakura would not stab him with something so blunt.

"Oh, and I'm supposed to believe you did nothing when I see you holding on that knife like a hand-grenade? Whatever it is that you were dreaming, or thinking, your plan detonated. It's fate, all right. And it's gonna be shitty for you when Ryou gets out and sees your face again. Unless, of course, I feel like banishing you now." Yami hissed, the Eye of Horus gleaming on his forehead.

Bakura smirked, slipping into his old skin again. "Oh, and you would have me sent to the Shadow Realm… when Ryou did this to himself? No… he wanted to kill himself. That's why he always wore the sweatband…"

At that Yami paused, breathing heavily. Bakura had struck a nerve, and what was worse was that he knew of it. The Eye on Yami's forehead flickered for a moment, before fading completely. He stepped back several paces, and surveyed Bakura though darkened eyes. His hikari was crying silently to himself on a nearby chair, his knees held up tight against his chest.

"The reason… why he does that, if you don't know… is because of you. The one sent to protect him. You should be dead." Yami finished, as if drawing the matter to a stunning yet needless conclusion by turning on his heel to comfort his tenshi. Sugoruko shot Bakura the darkest of looks, but said nothing as he continued to calm his Grandson.

Bakura neither retorted to Yami's comment nor returned the furious glares that were directed to him. Instead his mind repeated the last line the Pharaoh had hissed at him… and he knew that it was the truth. His mind was numbed by that thought, memories of all of the abuse that Bakura had given to Ryou in the past… all of that had led up to this moment.

"Um… Mr. Bakura?"

The Tomb Robber stood up. A doctor, dressed in a blinding white uniform, introduced him to a surgeon.

"We had to operate to quickly stitch the wound before Master Ryou died," She explained, calmly, "And we have given him some blood to replace the amount lost." Her eyes strayed slightly to the knife in Bakura's hand, but he wouldn't allow her to question it.

"Has he woken up yet? And will he be okay?"

She smiled, removing her surgical gloves. "He is making a speedy recovery, Mr. Bakura. Ryou sure is a fighter… mainly because he is awake, yes." Bakura sighed, and laughed weakly.

"He… said your name, Bakura." She continued, "I think he wants you to speak to him."

Bakura nodded, but just before he could get past her, she hesitated for a moment.

"Just out of curiosity… are you two… lovers?"

Bakura shook his head in a no. He could never deserve someone so kind as his hikari, let alone as a lover. Not that he even considered his hikari to be even likeable… didn't he detest the creature? Wasn't he the reason why so many of his evil plans had been traded in for dishpan water?

'No, you don't,' a small, nasty fraction of his mind pointed out, 'if you hated him so much, then you would have watched him bleed, and taken pleasure out of it. Since you brought him here…' The voice trailed off, and Bakura acknowledged those thoughts with a sigh. If Ryou were still pissed off at him, which was likely, then he would be in for a rough ride. Not that it was less than what he deserved, of course, but his side of selfishness did not appreciate being declared the root of Ryou's problems.

Brushing past the surgeon one last time, the Tomb Robber made his way along the corridor, and entered the private room. Several tubes ran into Ryou's system through his veins, and Bakura suppressed the shudder that ran through his core. A sight like that… could disturb even the most unshakeable of them all.

Ryou slowly turned his head. Bakura was thankful to see at least his face, so calm, and passive. So devoid of anger, and yet so… emotionless, when it came to a closer inspection. His eyes had lost their once colourful, energetic spark of happiness, almost as if they were drained of all but a solitary thought. Cheeks that were once flushed, now too pale for Bakura's liking.

Slowly Bakura took a seat, yet not too close to his hikari. He could not bear to see such a face… the one that he had helped to destroy. For several moments, silence. Neither seemed willing to part from the comforting, innocence that could be what they had visualised as a happy, peaceful existence. The existence of how things were supposed to be.

Then, Ryou broke that moment, his voice cold and cruel. It almost startled his yami at how different he sounded.

"Why did you stop me, bastard?"

His voice was calm. No anger, or hatred. Just a relaxed, mild request from his hikari. The one who he had tainted so much, the reason for all of the shit in Ryou's life.

Bakura looked up sorrowfully, fearing that he had misheard Ryou. But he knew, deep down, that he had heard correctly. It was just the way in which the statement was to be taken that befuddled his mind. Stop him from…?

"Oh, come on, you stupid twat, even you're not this thick," Ryou snapped impatiently at his yami's lack of communication, whether verbally or mentally. This time, it was almost unfortunate that Bakura could hear emotion in Ryou's once joyful, energetic voice.

"Why did you stop me from dying? It was what I wanted. But then, you've never really taken much heed of what I want, have you? No. It was always about you having a punch bag at your disposal, so willing and submissive to whatever you fucking wanted to do. Someone who would never hit you back, or tell anyone, and all because I thought that you could change. How fucking wrong was I?"

Bakura flinched at the snarling adjectives, and his face cringed painfully.

"I didn't want you to die." He began truthfully, but was cut off abruptly by his not so pure light.

"Oh, so now you don't want me to leave this world?" Ryou hissed, sitting up in his bed suddenly, his eyes no longer expressionless and empty, but rampant with rage. Dark rings under his eyes were darkened by the way the lights were positioned in the room, and it pained Bakura to see him so.

"Oh, please. I can tell that all you give a shit about is that if I died, you wouldn't have a punch bag. You wouldn't have the one person who would never respond to any beating. So you take fun out of other people's problems, _darkness?_ Fine. Go ahead. Just be aware that my only problem right now-"

"It's me," Bakura finished helpfully, his hikari stunned for several seconds before the comment struck home.

"Yeah…" Ryou finished faintly, stunned at his darkness' honesty for a fraction of a second, "You…"

"And I know that you were both pushed, and yet you fell of your own thoughts." Bakura said softly, to which Ryou shot him a quizzical look. "A question asked when someone commits suicide – or, in this case, tries to – is: did they fall, or were they pushed?"

Ryou's eyes darkened considerably, and he took to moodily staring out of the window, silent for a moment.

"Then that statement, _darkness,_" - Bakura flinched – "brings me back to my current emotions: you deprived me of what I wanted, and still want now, yet again. I can't…" Ryou shifted slightly, his eyes glaring at Bakura's sorrowful expression in the glass, smirking sadistically at the emotions he was extracting, "… say that I am grateful, because I aren't. I have no friends, I have no family worth knowing and I have… You… as a bastard yami who doesn't even give a toss about me, until I'm in a critical state, which was where I longed to be before I died. I'd rather die than live with someone like you. In death, I would be away from all of my problems. Away from you. Away from all of the pain, the bastards who have never stopped deserting me… the one thing that they could guarantee they'd do for me.

"So, thanks again, Tomb Robber! I'm back here again, living with YOU!"

Bakura flinched, and released several tears, each fluttering down his cheeks gently. He did not bring himself to look at Ryou's reflection, but knew that he was being watched.

Quietly he rose from his seat, finding nothing more to say when Ryou finally fell silent. Although what his light had just said in reality had only taken nothing more than three minutes, the words' meanings would take him a lifetime to fully comprehend. A lifetime to fully prove his hikari wrong.

"Ryou…" Bakura began, his hand on the door, positioned to leave. "… Ponder this: if I didn't care… then why would I have saved you? Your friends are here… and I feel that you need to owe them an apology of worthwhile. I will leave you to think about what I have said…" He concluded softly, opening the door fully and exiting.

As he walked down the corridor, to wander out of the building, the Pharaoh stood and stopped Bakura in his tracks. Yami, despite Yugi's futile attempts to calm him, did not care how guilty Bakura now felt. What mattered was that if Bakura hadn't been such an asshole, then none of them would be in this situation. If the Thief could have been friendly and loving to his light, as opposed to being heartless and abusing, then Ryou would not be emotionally unstable.

"Bastard," Yami growled, too quiet for Sugoruko to hear, "What have you said to him?"

Bakura stared at the floor, unable to look in anyone's face. He was so… dirty… compared to what they were, even if he wouldn't admit it aloud. Refusing to answer, he pressed past the Pharaoh, who was left, seething.

Once out of the building, Bakura began to run. He did not care that people stared at him. He did not care for the car horns that blared at him when he sped along a busy road. He did not care that his lungs and muscles were screaming in protest after several minutes. All he knew was that he had to get away.

Get away from the truth that was threatening to wrench his soul apart.

Bakura's legs then decided that they had had enough, against the Thief's strong will. They collapsed beneath him, and he fell, his knees smashing against the concrete ground. He growled, yet soon gave in to his greatly needed rest. He leaned against a gate, not caring who saw him, and struggled to return his breath to normal.

Whilst doing this, Bakura stared down at the floor and reflected. His head was bleeding slightly from where he had fallen; yet he felt no pain outside… only the emotional tsunami that was destroying him internally.

What he had done was unforgivable. Not even Ryou, who could accept any fault of a person and offer forgiveness, could do so. Not with him. Obviously, he was an issue that was highlighted greatly, in Ryou's life, as a cold-hearted bastard who literally told him to die everyday. Even if that had never been said, such things could have been implied from the constant abuse and lack of compassion Bakura had shown towards the boy.

The snowy-haired Egyptian shook his head. What had forced him into doing such a thing to his own hikari, that special part of him that could not be ignored? Why had he been so merciless and evil to one whom had done nothing of harm to him? Whatever the reason, Bakura knew, would never be good enough. There was no excuse. There could be no compassion for a man so corrupt and evil.

At that thought Bakura's tears began to reappear. Although this being very out of character for the proud, strong-willed Tomb Raider, he threw back his head and screamed out at his anguish, weeping for the fault that could only be accepted as his own.

The fault that should never be.

Yet it was too late… Ryou was addicted to harming his vessel, and nothing that Bakura could ever do would be able to take away that pain, that craving for death. The pain, oddly, that those who should have loved him had caused. Ryou's father was a complete washout… he was of no extra help to the boy's already mountain-high issues… and his mother, the only one who may have prevented this, was gone. His friends, even if they did not mean to, pushed him away, because they had their lovers to 'go out with.'

'No,' Bakura corrected himself, staring down at his feet, 'Not his mother. You. You caused this shit to happen, so it's only right that you sort it out.'

But how could this level of abuse and neglect be taken back? Bakura himself had just admitted that Ryou could never pardon his crimes… so what could be done?

Ryou had just proved to him that he wanted to die. So should he let his hikari keep that wish, or… would Bakura prevent it? Deprive his light of something that he truly thrived for?

This was getting him nowhere. Bakura was simply going in an enormous circle of pain, and nothing could be concluded from it.

The Egyptian rose to his feet, and slowly began to walk in the vague direction of where he lived. Yaten would probably not need an explanation for why his son was not present… he would be to drunk at this hour to even be awake. Well, either asleep or awake with his head down the toilet. Both seemed possible.

Eventually Bakura reached his house, and found Yaten on the front lawn. He was staggering slightly, and this was when an idea struck the cunning King of Thieves.

"Yaten! What are you doing here? I had a call today from the archaeologists in Egypt, they said that you were needed immediately!" Bakura called out clearly, fooling the man completely.

"Aw, thanks, 'Kura," Yaten finally managed, before making his unstable way down the street. Bakura smiled slightly and retrieved the key that had fallen from his pockets, and entered the house.

To be truthful, it needed to be set on fire. The trash hadn't been taken out in what was most likely to be a millennia, the dishes were in desperate need of being washed, the toilets were filthy, there was no food that was edible within the house…

Bakura's smile widened. He had an idea.

_Yugi and Yami_

Aibou, are you sure that Ryou will want to see us?Yami asked uncertainly, torn between being concerned for Ryou, and worried for his aibou.

/I don't know… but he's hurt, Yami! He's just tried to kill himself because of a bastard that he's stuck with, so I think anyone would want some support/ Yugi answered, his own voice wavering slightly with uncertainty. At that, Yami knew that he had to say something in addition.

"Aibou-" Yami began, stepping in front of the door, blocking Yugi's path. "Who's to say that Ryou still hates us, and tells us to fuck off? Then you'll feel bad and suicidal yourself if Ryou kills himself."

Yugi shook his head, staring imploringly up at his lover.

"Please, Yami. Ryou must feel so alone right now. What must have happened in there will have been really bad… what he said to Bakura, I mean. I even think I saw Bakura crying when he stormed past. And I would hate myself even more if I never went to see him when he needed me the most. I don't care if he tries to kill himself again, as long as he knows who he will be betraying, if that makes sense. This could be our one last chance to make Ryou understand that we are a reason for him to live."

"But what if he doesn't care about us being a reason?" Yami reasoned, lowering his voice so that the boy inside the room could not hear him, "He never gave us much thought when he tried to die, did he? Otherwise he would have seen sense and apologised for what he had said earlier, and then-"

"Yami. Please, just… for me. If you don't want to do this, fine. Wait outside." Yugi said quietly, before tearing the door open and entering.

Yami sighed, shaking his head as he followed his hikari in. Deep down, he wanted to pity Ryou, and he did. Yet… there was something not right in all of this. Ryou had never complained about any misdeeds the Thief may have committed… but then again, he had been so preoccupied with having a lover that he couldn't really have cared about Ryou, or anyone else's issues.

Could this have been a reason why Ryou had snapped at him earlier? Could this be the reason why the boy had not considered the disastrous affects that his suicide would have had, on both of them?

"Ryou?" Yugi started timidly, slowly making his way towards the bed, where the pale-skinned boy was surrounded by different tubes and machines. Ryou turned his head to face the diminutive Duellist, and sighed. Yami could see several streaks of crimson still making glorious yet disturbing arcs through his hair, and he sincerely hoped that his hikari would not notice. It would only distress him further.

"I am sorry…" He whispered, before a naked tear fell down his cheeks. Yugi rushed forwards and caught the tear with his finger… a habit he had taken up when Malik had been abused by Marik so many times. This technique always seemed to succeed in cheering the receiver up, yet Yugi could not blame Ryou when no improvement was made.

"I should have thought… oh, fuck, Yami, you were right, in what you said out there!" Ryou sobbed, his bandaged wrists coming up to hide his ashamed face. "Oh fuck… I am being so selfish here… and after what I said to you earlier… you still have the heart to come and see me."

"And is that comforting for you to know, Ryou?" Yami asked gently, slightly embarrassed that the snowy haired teen had heard his small argument with Yugi outside, regarding Ryou's state of mind.

"Of course it is, damnit!" Ryou finally managed, choking slightly on his tears, "All I know is that I can't live with myself…"

"Please don't make threats like that, Ryou," Yugi begged, his amethyst orbs shimmering with identical tears, "Please… I can't lose one of my best friends."

Ryou shook at Yugi's words, and began to rock slightly on his bed. The creaking noises soon caused his anger at Bakura to surface. Without warning, the boy raised his fist and smacked it into the lumpy surface of his bed.

"DAMN YOU BAKURA!" He screamed, alarming both Mutou's greatly, "I HATE YOU FOR THIS! DON'T THINK THAT I WON'T TAKE REVENGE!"

And with that threat, Yugi began to allow his tears release from his eyes. Although he said nothing, his tears and quiet sobbing noises were enough to make Ryou pause. This had partially been his own fault, which could still be linked back to Bakura. Bakura had been abusing him, hating him, and being anything but loving… so Ryou attempted to kill himself. This affected Yami and Yugi, and possibly other friends of his, and Yami would definitely blame the Tomb Robber, regardless of what the actual truth would be.

But what of Yugi? He had always been one for forgiving and trusting those who had acted wrongly in the past… Ryou felt his heartbeat subside slightly as he calmed down. Yet could this unique trait become Ryou's hatred in the teen?

"You… forgive Bakura, right?" Ryou asked quietly, his own eyes downcast. Dimly he could feel Yami's eyes boring into his snowy locks, yet paid no heed. If taking vengeance would result in losing Yugi as a friend… then was it really worth it?

Bakura

Half an hour and hardly any improvement had been made. Bakura sighed heavily and tied another bag full of unwanted items before hauling it out of the window. How had anyone been able to live in a house of this state? In addition to that thought, Bakura began to ponder at how Ryou actually had kept his friends after they had visited his home.

Bakura proceeded to move the couch out of its normal position, and groaned. A large patch of sick, emitting a rather foul smell had been concealed underneath it! How long had that been there? Judging by the hardened sections of the spew, Bakura could estimate roughly at three hours.

The Tomb Robber groaned, and knew what he had to do. Producing a bucket, fresh amount of bags, rubber gloves, several cloths and some disinfectant, he set to work on cleaning the vomit from the carpet. This was proving to be difficult for him, as the smell alone was enough to make Bakura add to the amount already stuck to the carpet.

'This is what you deserve, Stealer of Life,' his mind insisted, constantly reminding Bakura of why he was doing this. The section of his mind where flashbacks were stored also was playing its twisted, unjust part in the Thief's torment. Images of Ryou's body, surrounded by unnatural amounts of blood swirling on the cold tiles… the blades that he had used to commit the deed, loosely held in his hand. The feel of Ryou's marred flesh as Bakura had searched for a pulse. The unquenchable feeling of guilt when the reason for this had finally struck home.

Tears began to fall down Bakura's cheeks as he scrubbed at the floor, working hard to make the house presentable for his light's return. And with a rough prediction that that time would either be in two days or three… Bakura could give Ryou the surprise of his life when he returned.

Yami's koi: I know its short, but I've run out of ideas. Laughs nervously Every other fic has had a light bulb lit up… what about Headstrong, you stupid imagination?

Neutral man: that's right! Blame everything on your overworked mind!

Yami's koi: shrugs only what you do best, Neutral Man. Grins I'm writing a Shaman King ficcy! And I've had a load of inspiration since I started work! Yay! Even my pathetic fics are doing well, so I'm happy… except school is just… well, put whatever insult that can describe it here. ……….

Neutral Man: You'll get a plushie for reviewing, and the plushie is of… Otogi Ryuuji. Ryuuji. What an amazing name… and I think it's misspelled.

Yami's koi: Hiro.P, thank you again for saying that you'll do me some fan art! You get the next chapter dedicated for you! LUVVIES ALL!


	5. Dedication, a flashback and the truth

Yami's koi: well. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, peoples, but… heh. I'm a very busy girl these days. Who would have thought that getting drunk for the sake of a fic was a real excuse?

Neutral Man: are you referring to your Shaman King fic?

Nefertiri: that is what I call corny advertising.

Yami's koi: quiet! Well… later! Hiro.P, this chapter is for you! Thank you for the fan art, you're the first one yet to draw me some! I love it!

Yugi sighed, his bangs obscuring his amethyst orbs, now full of sadness and a downcast approach as he stared at Ryou.

"I will only ever forgive Bakura if you do, Ryou." He answered softly, feeling Ryou sub consciously retreating back into his shell. When Yugi received no response, he knew that the pale-haired boy did not want to hear him. His eyes were glazed slightly, and expressed no emotion other than a distant loneliness that the male could never possibly relate to.

"We'll leave you to get some rest." Yami said firmly, convinced that the male would not yield another word after his slight rage. He gently steered his hikari from within the room, offering Ryou a kind look, and neither spoke until they were out of the suddenly disconsolate looking building.

"I'm really worried about him, Yami." Yugi finally said, when they were almost at their front gate. Yami sighed, but did not say anything more on the subject until they were safely inside.

"Ryou must be… horrified that he has not escaped from Bakura," Yami finally said with a heavy sigh, locking the door behind them. "I can find no words of comfort for him. I have never experienced what I can only imagine to be a living hell."

Yugi shot him a look that suggested that was just the sentence he had wanted to hear.

"But I feel so helpless… I want to help him, Yami. I know I haven't seen him in a while, but Ryou said that he understood that I was in a relationship!" Yugi said in a feeble voice, not looking into his koi's eyes. He didn't want Yami to feel that it was his fault why Ryou had become so dejected, yet Yugi felt that his sentence had been delivered in such a manner.

"Perhaps Ryou is exhausted with everybody else around him being so happy," Yami suggested quietly, taking a seat next to his troubled hikari. "Perhaps he feels shunned, yet then feels guilty of being in such a state. Or maybe he does just feel so degraded by Bakura that he is the sole reason why he tried to commit suicide."

Yugi fell silent. He couldn't argue with a statement such as those. Although he knew that Ryou was barely living with himself, death did seem to be such an easy way out that he wondered why he couldn't have seen the lighter points of such an act.

"Yugi…"

Yami did not need to say anymore. They rose together, and slowly made their way to the bathroom. Here they drew a bath together: an act to try and calm their minds, to distract themselves from the travesty that had almost occurred.

The travesty that Ryou's own yami should never have even caused.

_Bakura_

Bakura was still cleaning the sick from the floor when the phone decided that it should ring. Glad of an excuse to evade the gradually fading, stubborn stain, the Tomb Robber answered the call.

"Hello?"

Bakura could only register a small noise of mild surprise, and antipathy, before an actual voice made itself heard.

"Oh. It's you. Well, bastard; hand Ryou the phone already! I can't be stuck here, talking to _you _all fucking day. I have better things to do."

Malik Ishtar, the Tomb Keeper. Great. Just what Bakura needed… or perhaps this was a further punishment from the Gods? To endure several various opinions of how people saw him now, after being the only person to give Ryou thoughts of suicide?

"Ryou isn't here, Malik." Bakura barked, tempted to slam the phone down. Before he could, however, the phone that Malik held was then passed over to Marik.

"Listen to me, you little cocky twat! Give Ryou the bastard phone, and you won't get yourself hurt, is that clear? So… why aren't I talking to Ryou?"

A threat like that to the Thief… could not go off without an explosion.

"LISTEN TO _ME _NOW, MARIK! RYOU IS LYING IN DOMINO HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF ME! I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, SO FUCK OFF!" With that chilling announcement snarled down the phone, Bakura slammed the phone down on the cradle. He happened to glance at himself in the mirror, and saw that his cheeks had turned an odd shade of yellow. He was so fucked up; not even Ra could save him.

Then again, would that mean that even his little hikari, Ryou, would have no salvation from Bakura's devastating abuse? Would this petty clean up of the Bakura household really make Ryou see that the Thief had changed?

The answer, of course, is no.

_Malik and Marik_

"What the fuck?" Marik snarled, slamming the phone down onto the nearby desk… where it promptly shattered. Malik stood beside him, trembling at the ugliness of reality that dared to rear its head to them. No, Ryou would never let a bully such as Bakura win, would he…? Wasn't he better than that, so much better that he could ignore whatever comments that the Thief would hiss in his face?

No, Ryou could not. His soul had been dominated against his will so many times before Bakura had gotten himself a body… frequent appearances of bruises on Ryou's precious, pale face… why was this all being acknowledged now? Why could Ryou have not said anything to… well, anyone? Could the hikari have been so stupid as to truly forget the other reasons of why one should exist?

Malik then arched again, and collapsed onto the floor as an excruciating searing sensation dispersed throughout the tattoo's upon his back. Every hieroglyph seemed to burn itself away, leaving nothing more than a white-hot ache when the pain developed. Malik thrashed around like a wild man, his yami unable to restrain him, unable to quiet his screams of agony…

Then, as unpredictable as Ra himself… the pain went. It evaporated into nothingness, with no distant throb to prove that any pain had been felt there. Malik stopped writhing… and his darkness frowned deeply.

"These sudden pain bursts and Ryou's pain must somehow be connected," He said softly, stated what was obvious. Malik sighed, and shed himself of his shirt to check his back. When Marik ran a finger along the ancient scars, he could only feel one finger, and no sudden burst of pain could be felt.

"We must go to see Ryou," Malik growled at length, rising to an unstable stand. Marik rolled his eyes and lifted his hikari up onto his shoulder… before speeding out of their house.

_Ryou_

Nobody was with Ryou now: he was truly alone. Yami had used his insistent tone on his little soul partner so that they could both leave, without being too impolite. The effects of their leave, however, were not distracting Ryou from the thought that Yami would probably be trying to make his hikari happy again, by giving Yugi whatever he wanted.

The pale haired boy sighed, and stared down at the bandages that were so delicately wrapped around his wrist. Several tubes ran into the veins that had not been split, if he had any left at all that were like that. Ryou felt angry that Bakura had defied his wishes once more, but then, what else could have happened? Since when had that arrogant, low-life of a thief EVER considered Ryou's needs? When had Bakura EVER asked if he was all right, if there was anything that he could do? When had Bakura EVER thought about how selfish and cruel he was being, abusing and tainting the other half of his soul, for no other reason than a sadistic pleasure?

It was sickening. The entire ordeal just made Ryou want to die… yet this time; he wanted to see Bakura watching him. He wanted the Tomb Robber to know what it was like to endure every single beating, every insult, and every corrupting, disheartening lie that Ryou had accepted constantly. Ryou wanted to let Bakura understand what it was like to feel pain, and to experience the feeling of being totally alone… just like what he had.

And then, after all of the excruciating feelings had washed over Bakura, he would apologise for every single thing that he had ever done to neglect or mistreat the poor, fallen angel. Bakura would apologise for so long that he would never be able to live with himself for the havoc that he had caused… he would never be able to look at Ryou ever again without feeling stabs of regret plunging into his heart…

And he would never hurt anyone ever again.

"That is a sweet fantasy," Ryou whispered, a lone tear making its eventual way down his pale, unresponsive cheeks.

And what a desire that was. What would Ryou do now? He had just established what he now wanted to aim for in life. How this would be attained, of course, was a different matter altogether.

No worries. He could be concerned about that later… _after _he was fit to do anything any form of harm.

The pale haired angel shifted slightly, and winced as the various tubes that were driven into his arm were pushed in further. Ryou could not describe how weak and helpless he was feeling right then at that moment, and what he could never have been able to attain before… came to pass.

He began to cry. But not just two tears fell: wave after wave of tears fell down his cheeks, and the hikari – now so tainted and downcast – keened, screaming his agonising emotions out to the world, out to anyone who had ever felt lonely. He screamed his emotions out to anyone who had ever been neglected, betrayed, angry, lost, and used. That was exactly how Ryou felt right at that moment.

As long as Ryou was in this state, he would never be able to experience happiness and love in his life. Never would he smile as he felt a lover press gentle but insistent kisses to his brow. Never would he feel the thrills of having someone just tell him that he was amazing, and a real aid to them in their times of need. Never would he feel the accomplished rush that engulfs someone when they make someone smile after they have had a bad day. Never…

Just at that moment, several nurses and other hospital workers rushed into Ryou's room – an isolated room, with little room with just the bed and a small desk beside it.

"Master Ryou? Are you okay? Are you in any pain at all? Ryou! Please, speak to us!" They pleaded; desperate to quell the haunting, yet horribly truthful cries of how cold the world was that was escaping from Ryou's mouth.

Nothing could ever resent or deny what the fallen angel was howling. It was all true: pain was a main factor of life. What was so unjust and unfair was what makes a person who they are.

When Ryou got angry, he had a certain reaction. If he had been pushed to his limits so far that he could not return, then he would lash out, and strike something very close to him. If, however, Ryou was desperately depressed, then he would either weep and re-enter his Soul Room… or slit his wrists.

_Flashback_

_Bakura sneered down at his hikari, grabbing fistfuls of Ryou's snowy locks and wrenching him to look at the Thief in the face. _

"_Things are going to change, Ryou. I can't have people thinking that I'm related… no matter how weakly… to a scrawny, pathetic, whining little shit like you!" Bakura spat, releasing his hold on Ryou before storming off, kicking several items out of his way. Ryou whimpered when he heard the front door slam shut… and he tried to turn over. Pain immediately met with his nerves, and the poor boy whimpered._

_Bakura had been in one of those 'I hate everything, and it's Ryou's fault,' moods, which had, of course, resulted in the innocent hikari being brutally bruised, spat on and mocked. Ryou released a loud groan, which slowly developed into a scream. He released some of his anger, and just some of his frustration… into his ear-splitting, haunting yell. _

_Slowly, when Ryou had run out of air, he stopped. There was no fading away of the scream… it just stopped: almost as if an invisible hand was preventing him from making a sound. The now battered, discoloured hikari slowly rose to a stand, cradling his forehead. _

_He grimaced when he stared at his own reflection. No matter what Bakura had previously said about him, he had never really believe it… but this just seemed to enhance Bakura's degrading opinions of him. _

_Ryou's face was overly pale, which was an odd contrast when regarding the narrow strips of blood trailing from his temple. His eyes had lost their usually energetic, merry spark, and now simply looked cold and dead. Even though he knew it was a fairly pointless thing to do, a solitary tear slowly crept down Ryou's face. Surely he should be used to such treatment now? After all, this abuse was a regular occurrence, so shouldn't the hikari be adjusted to every move that Bakura made? Surely anyone would have figured out Bakura's strategy, surely they would have seen at least one flaw in his moves? _

_Of course, Ryou would never hurt his yami. No matter how hard he would be struck, no matter how long he was struck… Ryou could never hurt somebody so close to him. It did not matter that Bakura was so violent. _

_All that mattered was that he was a selfish, inconsiderate bastard who never gave Ryou a choice… other than death._

_But Ryou would rather die by his own hand than by that of Bakura's. _

_Slowly the hikari dragged himself from within the small confines of his room. Pulling his weary, neglected body along, he eventually made it into the bathroom. Again, he removed the emergency towels from within the cupboards… and retrieved his only friends in the world. _

_Cold. Merciless. Expressionless. Steel. Nothing could ever mesmerise Ryou more than those sharp, taunting blades that he had stole, the thoughts of this now seemingly a distant memory. Ryou turned the blades around slightly, examining every detail on the device. _

"_I will always use you for this, you know that?" Ryou whispered coldly, his voice so flat and void of happiness. However, inside, he could feel the urgency to do what he wanted to. He couldn't… could not continue to restrain himself. He was losing control. Ryou felt his left arm bare itself, willing for whatever punishment its owner had to offer it… _

"_Feel this…" _

_His voice was harsh, and he knew it. He liked it. He drove the blade down suddenly, and sharply dragged it along. Ryou smirked: he felt as if he could almost feel his skin being forced apart from where it had once been joined. At that moment he froze, and savoured the moment. One hand still held his blade in place, its touch ever lingering, whilst his other stung slightly, a white mark made from where he had just cut. _

"_Now, I won't get very far with results like this, will I?" Ryou asked himself, his voice almost soft and encouraging. If only… if only his eyes had not been so cold, then those words would have, perhaps, been seen as genuine comfort. _

_After all, his slitting would probably be the last amount of that kind of sympathy he would receive… from anyone. At this thought, he hissed quietly and drew his knife back the way it came, repeating the motion over and over. _

_Eventually, the tingling built up into a sharp, throbbing sensation, and the poisoned hikari paused for a moment. His lips curved into an uncharacteristic, devious smirk, and he withdrew the blade from the indent that his anger, sadness and desires had helped to cause. Blood had smudged around the expanse of his wrist, staining the angel's usually flawless skin. _

"_You have no idea, Bakura," Ryou hissed, seething, as his eyes narrowed. His yami would _never _be able to experience what heavy, engulfing depression Ryou was feeling. _

_With that thought in mind… the light that seemingly no longer existed replaced the blade back into the cut that had just been formed… and, with a small outburst of pain… he resumed allowing the blade to kiss his skin. _

_End Flashback_

Ryou had never paused in his screaming fit, and he cared not about the drunken, or simply surprised looks. He could not care that he was harming those near to him.

After al, could they truly relate to what he was feeling? Could they ever, honestly, know what it is like to feel hated, to feel betrayed and unloved? Could those who he struck ever really say that they had endured true, raw abuse? Could those that were trying to calm him…

… Ever know why his words were so haunting?

No. And that is purely because…

… Everything that he said was true.

Yami's koi: GAH! It's not very long, I know… but I couldn't have the next chapter being in with this one… Malik and Marik have a lot of explaining to do. Or maybe just Marik. Or maybe Isis. Or Shadii.

Neutral Man: that sucked.

Nefertiri: did it balls, I enjoyed it… a slitting scene and extra angst suits me any day. Especially with the pain. Pain rules!

Yami's koi: insanity, I tell ya. I am real sorry that this spent so long in the works… but I have other fics too, all of which are very long and complex!

Neutral Man: in other words, you can't think up of any plots.

Yami's koi: … yeah. TT I'm an id. Well… thanks again, Hiro.P! Any other fan art from anyone will absolutely make my day! Please R&R, peoples! Gotta leave ya now… plushie of Seto for reviewers?


	6. Marik did WHAT!

Yami's koi: I'm not joking, okay? Just accept it and move on.

Neutral Man: … who are you talking to?

Yami's koi: no one. Anyway. I guess, here is the next chapter of Headstrong: Woot, woot! Gomen, I do that sometimes. I say that to… express happiness and achievement. Ha!

Neutral Man: she's gone mad…

Yami's koi: indeed I have. See ya at the end!

"How are you holding up, Malik?" Marik shouted, over the rush of wind searing their ears into a coldness that resembled skin being cut with a knife. His hikari mumbled something, and Marik seemed pleased with the response.

"Indeed. We're two more blocks away from the hospital."

The two sped down the busy street, knocking people out of their way as they went by. Screams of shock and pain echoed in their ears, and insults were hurled at them from streets and mere feet away yet, in their haste, only Malik could hear the people's responses. He couldn't care less… what would they do, if they knew that their friend had been so terribly distressed, all over his bloody yami, Bakura?

Marik growled as he read his light's troubled thoughts, the emotions that he felt motivating him to move at an even quicker pace. They raced around the corner, panting heavily, and saw the hospital building come into sight.

But Marik didn't pause for sightseeing. His hikari blinked, before following the swiftly disappearing Marik into the building. They gasped for air, leaning against the wall to support their tired legs.

"Can we see… can we see… Ryou Bakura… please, Ma'am?" Malik asked, still struggling for air. "Please we… really need to talk… to him…"

"Are you friends, or relatives of… Ryou Bakura?" The Receptionist asked calmly, typing in pieces of information into her computer to look for the said person.

"We're his friends. We've only just heard about him… and we desperately need to comfort him." Malik pleaded, managing to do this without resorting to using a question.

The receptionist nodded curtly in understanding before turning back to her computer. Marik growled slightly in impatience, yet managed to turn it into a mental scowl before anyone could get offended, or kicked out.

Marik! Calm down, we're going to see him now. Fuck, turn your cell off, damnit! It will interfere with the devices here - Malik cried, panicking slightly.

Whoa, calm down, my little Malik. Ryou will be talking to us in less than a minute, I am sure of it. Marik soothed, being surprisingly peaceful. Who would have thought that a previous maniac, who had wanted to dominate the world in shadow, would be so relaxed and caring for his hikari?

"Ryou Bakura, did you say?" The receptionist asked politely, breaking into both Ishtar's thoughts. Marik's hand rested on Malik's shoulder comfortingly, and he blinked for a moment. When did that get there…?

"Yes, I did." Malik said, wishing that she would hurry up.

"I will have to ask you several questions before you can go to see him. Can you describe his appearance for me?" She asked, still as slow as ever.

"He has light brown eyes, very pale skin, even paler hair and slits all the way across his wrist." Marik interrupted, before his coequal could begin to even form a word.

The woman behind the desk blinked in surprise. "I… see. You may go through. He is on ward… 20."

"Thanks." Malik mumbled, before holding back a frantically rushing Marik. Marik, things are different in here. We can't interfere with any other patient's daily routine, okay? We may distress more than one person here today, but I don't want my conscience blaring out that I've helped to kill someone.

Marik growled, but slowed to a walk. "Fine."

_**Bakura**_

Bakura had resumed cleaning, yet a lot of doubt was beginning to creep into his mind. Had it really been wise to scream at the Ishtar's like that? Bakura dreaded to think of what horrors they might unleash against him. It had, actually, taken him by surprise that they hadn't called him back to berate him for being such a bastard.

And therein lay his fears. They could be conspiring against him now… plotting to kill him before he could ever get a chance to make things right with Ryou again. Bakura tried to clear his mind of such thoughts, but it made him truly wonder… he knew what would await him in the Afterlife, if such thing existed, yet he couldn't contemplate ever being able to rid himself of guilt if he died before apologising to Ryou.

Yet a mere apology would never be enough. Deep down, Bakura knew that this was a long shot. He had constantly abused Ryou when everyone had deserted him, left him for dead. Ryou had cried out for death, and had been only moments away, before Bakura had disrupted his life again.

Of course, Bakura knew that this was exactly what he deserved to be feeling. Anyone with decency would have at least offered words of comfort, ways of solace, to the fallen hikari.

No. Bakura hadn't done any of that. Whenever Yaten was drunk, and being particularly violent to Ryou, then the Thief would have stood there and laughed. He might even join in, help Ryou's drunken father, give Ryou more pain and misery than he could handle. Whenever Ryou's friends dismissed him, let him down gently, when he had asked them out on a weekend, because they had their lovers', Bakura would have laughed and mocked Ryou. He would have beaten him cruelly, hissing out words that were so poisonous, the words that had pushed Ryou into wanting to take his own life.

Bakura stopped and stared down at the floor, blinking furiously as he tried to clear his blurred vision. He had been wrong, and he had said all that Ryou had allowed him to say when he had visited.

Why had his hikari even asked for Bakura in the first place? Why should he… if he know that they would argue, and give the tenshi even more stress to try and cope with?

Then, Bakura sighed. Ryou had screamed at him, had told him why he was such a bastard… and by Ra, it had worked. Guilt was engulfing the Thief, pulling him down, closing in on him, making him suffocate… he needed to get out of there, quickly, before it would be too late -!

_**Malik and Marik**_

Finally they had reached Ryou's isolated medical room. Doctors and various other hospital staff eyed them wearily before allowing them entry, yet Marik gave them a rather challenging glance that could have blown it for the both of them.

Malik was immediately shocked at just how withdrawn Ryou looked. He was staring out of the nearby window, his knees brought up to his chest, and cared nothing for the small noises the Ishtar's made when entering. Malik thought that the boy didn't even blink.

They needed to speak with the shattered boy. They needed to help him through this awkward, darkened time. For if they did not… then they were even lower than Bakura himself.

"Ryou." Malik said, his voice not even bearing the silent plea for Ryou to respond. Nevertheless, the pale-skinned form of the fallen hikari shifted slightly turning around just enough so that he could face them.

Marik immediately knew that he couldn't meet with the boy's eyes when he looked at them. They bore little, or no, emotion, and didn't fall into place with the cheerful stereotype that everyone gave to Ryou.

Or the stereotype that they used to give.

"Why are you here?"

At that, Marik had to look up. He though it would have been obvious.

"We've come to talk to you, Ryou. We want to help you." Malik replied evenly, somehow determined enough to look his friend in the eye. Ryou scoffed slightly, turning away to stare back out of the window.

"It's too late for that."

Malik's eyes widened slightly, fully comprehending what that statement meant. If the abuse continued, then Ryou would try to take his own life again. If the abuse and neglect ceased, then he would still kill himself. This was a fine moment to be thinking of the phrase, 'Heads you win, tails we lose!'

Ryou didn't care. He almost felt guilty for not being so sharp with Yami and Yugi, but they had at least tried to look like they were sorry when they couldn't see him at a weekend, or suchlike. The Ishtar's, however… had never even given Ryou a chance to speak. No, they were always too horny, too 'involved' with each other to even consider seeing their friends. Of course, Yami and Yugi had been an entirely different matter… but they could kiss each other when the Tomb Keeper's were 'having fun.'

They could never understand how alone he had felt, so isolated from everyone. Ryou had considered everything before turning towards suicide: he hadn't been that weak. He had considered becoming the class clown, doing anything to gain attention, even if it meant causing trouble. He considered finding himself someone, but no one appealed to him enough, and he couldn't bring himself to pretend to like someone: it was just too cruel. Ryou thought about going to the same places that the lovers' were going to, but he never did.

Marik still couldn't look into Ryou's eyes, and therefore was thankful that Ryou had turned. But at the angel's comment, he felt like hitting him.

"You can never understand what I have gone through."

Again, the fierce yami felt like striking the poor, snowy-haired boy. What the hell did Ryou know about their lives?

"Don't say that, Ryou." Malik began, his voice now showing a slight strain of how desperate he was to talk to Ryou.

This time, Ryou did turn around. His eyes now were cold; somehow a different colour than what was usual for him.

"I can say, Malik Ishtar, whatever the fuck I want. You never spoke to me like trash only because you never spoke to me. You never spoke to me because you were so preoccupied, so lost in the addictive plague of love. Just make the best of it, asshole. You'll soon see just how much of a bastard that Marik of yours is." Ryou hissed coldly, not screaming, only because he wanted the Tomb Keepers' to experience just a brief moment of what he had endured. Not screaming only because… that would get him absolutely nowhere. There was no point in throwing a tantrum, so why bother? Yelling at both of them would not erase what had been done to him. The only thing that ever could… would be a new life. That was another reason why Ryou had tried to take control of what no one has.

Escape had been denied from him. He had been so close to experiencing love, care, sickness, health, hate, fear, shock, sadness, and intense bliss… and everything else that should have been his in his current life.

But no. Yet again, that pleasure had been taken away from him. But by a reason why he was doing such an act anyway? That was… too cruel, too much.

Malik was shaking. He could not understand why Ryou was so distressed with him and Marik being with him, and so he tried to talk to his fellow hikari, in an attempt to finally do so.

"Ryou… I don't know why you are saying those things, but I know that you are sick and don't mean it." Malik started, before being cut off by an impatient, fractious Ryou.

"Oh, sure I am. So why the fuck did I used to feel so alone every weekend, when you and that… that monster over there were fucking or whatever, whilst I was at home, just being hit and hit over and over again by that bastard of a yami! Sure, I could have left the house. But where could I have gone? Who could I have gone to? WHO WOULD HAVE CARED!" Ryou asked, screaming the last sentence in a vicious outbreak of blame and hatred for the Ishtar Tomb Keeper.

Both Egyptians had paled considerably, Marik more than his light. Cautiously he stepped forwards.

"What do you mean… Malik will see what a bastard I've been? What have I ever done to you?" He asked, trying to be reasonable.

The only response that Ryou would give was an outburst of rage. All of the emotions that he had been holding in, for all of those months whilst he was being abused… he was letting them out. And boy, did it feel good.

It felt immensely good to watch as both Malik and Marik's faces drained of colour and of compassion, replaced by hurt and confusion. It was amazing to witness how they were crumbling beneath his words, his words that were nothing but the bitter, poisonous truth.

But the damage had already been done. Things had developed far too rapidly, before events had been taken out of Ryou's hands… and his life was placed in another's… yet again.

Still, Ryou had a question to answer. With a smirk – an evil, twisted smirk that looked so much like Bakura's when he was promising someone great measures of torture – on his face, he leaned forwards also.

"We both know what I am talking about, Marik. We both know about how you have been using your Millennium Rod as an influence… as an influence to contort people's emotions."

Finally. The truth was coming out… and Malik seemed completely clueless to it all. Oh, this would be so much fun for Ryou… the Ishtar's were FINALLY getting what they deserved… apart from, of course, Malik. He seemed totally innocent inn this affair… but anyone distantly connected, in anyway towards Marik, was one to be punished.

"Ryou… you don't understand…" Marik whispered, panic entering his voice. Ryou's smirk widened.

"Oh, I think I do. You were controlling Bakura… to abuse me. Only, he thought he was dominating me, so that's why he sometimes, in his dark, evil, forbidden mind… thought that it was he who was controlling me.

"However, you're plan failed, Marik. I suddenly felt a great opening of Bakura's link, and mine, and that's why I felt the urge to snap at the Pharaoh, your ancient enemy… and I fell to your will. After using all of it up to restrain myself from killing myself before my time… I had nothing left to give. And I was forced to accept it… that I was not only a lonely child, but also one who was being abused for NO FUCKING REASON!

"HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT, IF YOU THOUGHT THAT THE ONE PERSON WHO COULD SAVE YOU WAS UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOME COLD-HEARTED, MISERABLE BASTARD WHO HOLDS SOME GRUDGE, EH! I CAN'T STAND BAKURA FOR BEING SO WEAK, FOR LETTING SOMEONE LIKE YOU FORCE THEIR WAY INTO HIS MIND, MANIPULATING HIS FEELINGS! AND WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT I DON'T KNOW HIM, BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEN YOU STARTED THIS SHIT! HE COULD HAVE HAD THE WILL TO PREVENT THIS FROM HAPPENING WELL BEFORE HE EVEN LAID A FINGER ON ME. SURE, BAKURA HAD NEVER, BEFORE, BEEN SO CRUEL… BUT LOOKS CAN BE DECIEVING, MARIK! I DON'T KNOW HOW MALIK CAN STAND YOU!" Ryou screamed, pointing a finger very forcefully in Malik's direction.

Malik did not know what to say. What Ryou said made sense, but Marik had not yet admitted to anything. Ryou could still be under the heady power of the drug that the doctor's had used to put him to sleep so that they could operate on him. Or, better still, the reason that was most inviting… Ryou was just so full of emotion that he had made himself an excuse to release a hold on these feelings.

Yes. That had to be it.

The only problem was that Marik's face did not seem to defy Ryou's shouts. In fact, he was smirking.

"And it took you so long to realise this, why?"

Malik gasped, and his face paled dangerously. His head was spinning with what had just been said, and there was nothing that he could do anymore to deny what his lover had been doing. Ryou had been trying to kill himself to escape the ferocious onslaught of his own yami's attacks… and not Bakura's. Even if Bakura's body was being used as a host for these vicious, repulsive notions, he was not acting of his own accord.

Ryou smiled faintly, triumphantly. So the bastard had admitted it. Even the hikari had had his doubts about forcing such a confession from Marik, without using any forms of violence.

"It… was something that Bakura told me," Ryou said, both slowly and truthfully. "He told me that if he hated me so much, if he didn't have some form of a conscience… then he would have left me to die… or something to that effect. It was then that I realised… it couldn't have been him. The way in which Bakura looked at me was so forlorn, so caring… and it hurt me to think that I had just accused him of so many things.

"But then, I asked myself, who else would be so sick as to inflict such mortal pain upon me? What have I, Ryou, ever done to anyone to deserve this horror?

"And then it came to me. I was close to someone who held many secrets about the forbidden, winding memories of the things that occurred in Ancient Egypt. But I would never fully forgive Marik, and never allow him to be alone with Bakura. Therefore… he needed me out of the way. And to do this, he manipulated my yami's thoughts, and knew that I would consider suicide." Ryou paused and blinked away the tears that he did not know had been formed. He hated the fact that he had been reduced to a pile of quivering hikari so many times.

Yet what he hated the most was that he had only just realised it.

Malik slowly turned towards his beloved, cold and fractious eyes blazing into Marik's own. It was enough to make anyone's skin crawl. Without warning, he stormed out of the hospital room.

"Wait, Malik!" Marik cried, shooting Ryou one malicious glare before heading after his hikari.

"I've had it with you! YOU DID THAT TO RYOU AND IT WASN'T EVEN BAKURA'S FAULT! IF YOU'VE RUINED THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS YAMI AND HIKARI FOREVER, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" Malik screamed, unable to control himself. He attracted many stares from both patients and workers in the hospital, but at that moment, he couldn't give a shit.

The only thing he was concerned about was getting the truth back to Bakura.

Yami's koi: so… the plot that never existed before this chapter has thickened. Seriously. I didn't know where this was going until like, a month ago. That's partly why I spent so long on writing this chapter. But another critical reason to consider is the fact that I've just had exams and have more coming up shortly. They decide my future, so I have actually revised.

Neutral Man: oh, wow. Listen to how exhilarating her life is. One day even you might be so lucky to live such a life.

Yami's koi: thanks, NM. Thank you again to Hiro.P who has continuously submitted me fan art, I love it all. This chapter is dedicated to her especially. Hopefully you've all enjoyed this recent submission, so please R&R and tell me what you thought of it! Constructive criticism will be gladly accepted, it tells me what I need to fix, whereas 'You suck,' is just opinion that doesn't help me improve. So… I'll see ya later! Thanks for reading so far, please don't go far!


	7. Return of two very unwanted people

Yami's koi: hi! Wow, an update… since when has that ever happened anytime soon?

Nefertiri: when the chapters were, like, three or four pages long.

Yami's koi: memories. So… thanks for reading so far, I greatly appreciate it… and here is the next instalment of Headstrong!

Minutes passed into hours, and Ryou discarded any thought of leaving the hospital that night. He sighed irritably and wrenched his covers from beneath him, burying himself in their warmth. Despite being so tenacious, so angry… he was exhausted. The surgery as well as the emotional agony he had been put through that day had all eventually caught up on him.

Snowy spikes gentle brushed against Ryou's face, and he brushed them away. In the semi-darkness, he could see his still, small figure reflected back at him from the windows. He didn't have the energy to get up and close them himself, so they remained closed. He watched bright lights in the wards opposite and above his own eventually snap off, the warm, inviting look gone in an instant. The buildings now looked hostile which, Ryou supposed, was how he would be for a while now.

And the ones to blame were Bakura and Marik. With a bitter smile, Ryou turned over, wondering what they were both doing.

The only problem was, Marik was right there.

"Hello, _Ryou_," He hissed, bringing a knife from within his back pocket. Ryou froze, his body tense. He began trembling all over – no, this wasn't happening… Marik would never… not so quickly…

"Yes, I am here… and I've come to get my revenge." Marik growled, flicking on the light near to him. His face was a deadly serious and malicious one, and Ryou understood it completely – he was going to die.

And then he swallowed, not sure if he had been expecting this or not. There had been a nagging thought at the back of his mind that Marik would be pissed and want revenge, but so soon? But, obviously, it seemed that way, and all that Ryou could manage to do was stare in horror at the Egyptian standing over him. Lavender eyes, narrowed by the emotions he so clearly bore often, regarded him evilly.

"Scared?" Marik mocked, laughing cruelly. "And that's coming from someone who has wanted death for so long? Someone who would have gotten that today, had Bakura not interfered? I actually don't know why I'm helping you out, but having you dead would be a lot off my mind, little Ryou.

"You've ruined my life… and, I'm sure, Malik's as well. But I know that at least he won't have to look at you, knowing what you've done to him for any longer."

The hikari sighed, sitting up.

"Fine. Kill me. But don't expect Malik to want you back after this. He trusts me… especially after this. I don't know why you didn't wait a while for this, Marik… that's just not like you." Ryou explained, all care gone from his voice. "You could have at least surprised me a little – waited until I felt safe, and then killing me. That would have been more impressive, don't you think?"

Marik paused at that, but soon regained his composure.

"Don't think you can bribe me with Malik or finesse. He's deserted me… just like everyone. And he wouldn't have me back if I did this or not."

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Ooh, pity party." He sneered, staring out of his window. If he was going to die, it might as well be now. He waited, staring at Marik's reflection in the glass, before snapping:

"Well, get on with it. And be quick about it, I've gone off the idea of waking up this time."

Marik glared down at Ryou, scraping the edge of the blade against the boy's slightly open nightshirt, teasing the blade slightly in the gaps between each button.

Understanding, Ryou shed himself of his shirt. If it was his heart the Tomb Keeper wanted, then he could have it. It was no longer of any value to the hikari, anyway.

In fact, having something so human made him sick. It made him feel somewhat similar to people like Marik and Bakura… but he doubted that no one had committed offences so great before.

Again, the cold steel pressed against Ryou's chest. He tensed slightly at the coldness, wincing quietly as the edge of the blade pressed into his skin, breaking it. Blood trailed along the length of the knife, slowly trickling down pale skin. Ryou hoped this wouldn't take long… if he was going to die, he was going to die. He didn't want it to be delayed again.

_**Bakura**_

He was in a dark, long corridor. He approached a room, the room that actually had a light on. Trying the lock, Bakura found that it opened… and barely managed to conceal a scream of horror.

A figure leered over Ryou's bed, half cloaked in the darkness of the Shadow Realm. His hikari seemed to be still, His hikari seemed to be still, unresisting.

"Ryou!"

Immediately, the figure jumped, turning to face Bakura. The Thief's face contorted.

"YOU!"

But before anything could be done, Marik swept himself away with the magic of his Millennium Rod, leaving a few swirling clouds of darkness behind. Bakura stared down at Ryou in fear, seeing thin lines of blood sliding down his stomach and chest: obviously Marik's work.

"Ryou… You let him do this to you?" Bakura asked, trying to contain his hatred and sudden concern. Ryou simply glared at him.

"That's twice today you've fucking ruined my plans."

Bakura flinched slightly, but regained himself.

"But did you really want to die by Marik's hands? Did you really want him, a low-life, pathetic bastard, who's almost worse than me, to take your own life away from you, when you could easily do that yourself? And did you honestly want to have him do so much as talk to you again, after what he has done to both me and you?"

Ryou suddenly became interested. "How do you know what's been going on!"

"Malik. He came over and… he thought it was best that I knew too. He still thinks that you will forgive me." Bakura laughed weakly, averting the gaze for a moment. "But enough of that… I still need to make sure you're alive, right? How deep is this wound?" He leaned down to examine it.

Ryou flinched, trying to pull his arm away from Bakura's gentle grasp. "It's fine th--"

Before anything else could be said, a bright light materialised itself from Bakura's fingertips. Hen it eventually subsided, nothing could be seen on Ryou's smooth, pale chest. Not a single speck of blood, not a single white scar.

Ryou examined his chest as best he could. "Thanks."

Bakura nodded, "It's just simple magic from the Millennium Ring. You would--" He paused then, remembering. He sighed.

"I'm sorry, Ryou."

Ryou sighed and stared at the ceiling. "In all honesty, it's too late for that. But what for? At the moment, you have a lot of things to apologise for, so I can't really be sure as to what misdeed you're apologising for."

Bakura gave a small laugh: it was true, and he regretted every single thing he had ever done to inflict pain upon his hikari. It had transformed him from a sociable, loving and decent person, into what he could remember himself being like once, when things were rough in Egypt.

"I can't say for everything, purely because I disagree with some points you seem to blame me for," Bakura admitted, carefully, "But I do apologise for… for what you've become. I know words can't change anything, but if they could, I'd say every word I know of to get you back the way you once were. I don't want to see you as something I used to be." Bakura whispered, sighing. That had sounded so corny and romantic, and he hardly knew why he had said it. Perhaps he understood what it was like to be in Ryou's state, and did not want him to go through what he had once endured. Yes… that had to be it.

But if it was something else, then Bakura was in desperate trouble.

Ryou was quiet for a moment, and then spoke up in a low tone: "You… once tried to kill yourself?"

Bakura sighed. He dragged up a chair next to Ryou's bed, resting his arms against its backrest. "You wanna hear a bed-time story?"

Ryou nodded. He didn't exactly know why he was being civil towards this man, but he was tired. His brain wouldn't listen to him, and he put it down to that very simple fact.

However, if it was a more believable reason, then Ryou was in desperate trouble.

"Okay… I was about seventeen, and I had already raided a few Tombs. Take note that I was only young, and I had some friends still. One of them was a girl… and her name was Nefertiri. She was beautiful, but she'd never really caught my eye. She had long black hair, hazel eyes, a slender and fragile build… the only thing that I seemed to have in common with her was that she had a scar. That was how we had met… I had asked her about it, and showed her most of mine.

"Nefertiri was… a twin." Bakura went on, before noticing Ryou's odd look. "I'm sorry… Twins were seen as a sign of witchcraft." Ryou nodded, understanding. It made sense, considering how religious those in Bakura's time had once been.

"Her mother was killed shortly after childbirth, but, thankfully, both twins were kept alive. Nefertiri had a brother, Diaha. Their dad left them when they were five, being recognised as the father of the twins… and never returned. Diaha made a vow to Nefertiri, and was broken by the same he was fifteen. He had vowed never to leave her, but when you get a job in the Egyptian Army… it's practically a death wish.

"And so, in her despair, she tried to stab herself to death with a blunt knife found with some of Diaha's old possessions… luckily, I had returned from a raiding and needed some food, so I was just in time to save her life.

"Since then, we were barely apart. Nefertiri soon discovered my career, and even went on one raiding with me. What surprised me was that she didn't mind, but then… she hadn't exactly been very rich. My artefacts, once sold, brought in a lot of money. Nefertiri never met anyone, but there would be days when she just looked at me and smiled brightly… like there was something she wasn't telling me."

Ryou tried to stifle a yawn behind his hand. "Carry on."

Bakura smiled. "Sorry that I'm boring you. But anyway… One day, she kissed me. Naturally, I kissed her back, knowing that it was wrong, but I'd been without a woman for a while, so… yeah." He blushed slightly, but still carried on. "We were a little short on money, so I told her to get us some food from the market, as I'd taught her how to steal properly.

"Now, the next part is only what I could piece together over time, so it may seem a little impossible… Nefertiri didn't return. I waited up all night, and when she didn't return by the morning, I knew she wasn't coming back. I naturally assumed I'd driven her away somehow, and blamed myself for losing a great friend.

"It was then that I realised her company had been something that had kept me going. Without her, everything just seemed so empty and pointless. Even though I never loved her, or even liked her in the sense of desire… Nefertiri had been a big aspect of my life.

"The only thing that stopped me from killing myself was the thought of Tomb Raiding. I didn't involve myself too much; planning carefully for weeks before finding men, bribing people… it was a good life.

"But then, later on, I found Yami's father's body. You know that I fought against him, right?" Bakura waited for a sleepy nod before continuing. "Well… I saw Nefertiri there. It turned out that she had been thinking about me when she stole the food, and so got herself caught by her own carelessness… since then, she had been in the Pharaoh's keep, working as a slave for him. When I saw her… memories just came flooding back, and I was lucky to get out the way I did. And she helped me to escape… by saying that if I were killed, then she would kill herself. She even grabbed one of my swords and pressed it up against her heart, ready to do it if any one of the Priests killed me."

Bakura stopped then, inhaling deeply. Looking down at his hikari, he grinned. Either he was a good storyteller, or he was just plain boring. He set out some chairs to make a stiff, but still functional bed. He glanced at Ryou's sleeping face before he went to sleep.

"Night, Ryou," He whispered, smiling softly as he drifted off.

_**In the Morning**_

"Have you got a visitor, Ryou? So early in the morning? Who is this, your brother?"

Bakura immediately woke up. Blearily, he looked up at the blurred outline of the Doctor that had spoken to Ryou last night. Ryou hesitated.

"He's my… yeah. He's… he's my brother." He glanced at Bakura, praying he would go along. "He just needed some rest, he's been up here all night."

"Uh, sorry about the whole visiting hours violation thing," Bakura mumbled, gathering some of his senses as he awoke properly. The light shining in from the window almost blinded him, but his eyes were adjusting.

"That's all right… I was wondering, actually, when some of Ryou's family would be along. What was the delay about?"

Bakura thought quickly. "I was with our Grandmother, up in the next prefecture. It's a busy place, and the district I was in wasn't very pleasant, so…" Bakura shuffled uncomfortably, pretending to look guilty. "But, I'm here now." He added, brightly.

The Doctor smiled. "Well, Mr… Bakura? Bakura, would you care to take a walk with me? I need to speak to your privately for a moment."

Bakura blinked. "Sure."

Once they were outside, in a small garden area near the maternity wards, the Doctor began to speak.

"It is clear that Ryou did not attempt suicide for no reason. He will not tell us why, and when I asked him for help, he refused."

Bakura said nothing. What was this man getting at?

"I was hoping you could have a word with him, before he leaves in a few minutes… and persuade him to seek medical help."

Anger suddenly bubbled throughout Bakura.

"OH, SO THAT YOU CAN CURE THAT SO-CALLED MENTAL DISEASE THAT HE NEVER HAD! HE WAS DRIVEN TO IT, BY SOMEONE HE CAN NEVER FORGIVE! SO WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND TELL YOUR CARERS, THAT THEY CAN GO _FUCK_ THEMSELVES IF THEY EXPECT _ME _TO PERSAUDE RYOU INTO SOMETHING HE WOULD BE WASTING HIS TIME ON!"

"Sir, please, restrain yourself, this is a hospital, not a football match…"

"I DON'T GIVE A TOSS!" Bakura screamed, "IF RYOU HAD MENTAL PROBLEMS, HE'D BE IN A HOME BY NOW. AND AFTER WHAT I'VE PUT HIM THROUGH, I COULDN'T FUCKING BLAME HIM!"

Silence. The Doctor paled, staring behind the Tomb Robber. Predicting what was coming, Bakura cocked his head.

It was Ryou.

"My hikari." Bakura stated softly, turning his head back towards the Doctor. "Obviously needs me more than he needs mental help. And that is pretty fucking bad, considering."

Ryou said nothing to Bakura, but stood next to him and leaned against his muscular frame.

"He's right, you know. I would rather stay at home, with him and my father, than in a mental institution for five months having something that was never there drummed out of me. And nothing you can say can change my mind, Doctor. I'm deadly set."

((Even though I've gotten rid of Yaten now, Ryou. Yeah… that is fucking messed up, isn't it?))

As much as Ryou hated it now, he actually used the mind link to talk to Bakura.

(Yaten's gone? Where? What did you do to him?)

Bakura grimaced at the accusation, but knew that he deserved it. ((I didn't hurt him if that's what you mean. I just told him that his Associates had called and were going off to Egypt for another dig. He won't be back for another three weeks… at the least. He thinks he's taking a ferry there… but the return ticket isn't valid until the middle of next month.))

That was the longest thing Bakura had ever said to Ryou through their mind link that didn't involve a cuss word or any signs of hatred.

(Oh… right. Thanks, I guess. That takes him off my mind.) Ryou answered, before his eyes slipped back into focus once more. As the mind link had not been used in so long, the ability to do it without anyone noticing had died. And so the Doctor shot them a questioning look, watching their silent faces twitch slightly as they brought themselves back to reality.

"And with that said, Doctor, I thank you for your time." Ryou said, winking, "I'll be back in a week to get my stitches taken out, okay? But I want a Nurse to do it, I don't trust you anymore than I do Bakura right now."

The obvious insults hurt. Bakura sighed, falling silent as the two walked out of the hospital.

On the way home, Bakura felt a small vibration in his back pocket, and heard a cheesy rock ring tone. He answered the call immediately, the number being withheld.

"Hello?"

"Hey there, Bakura. Have you seen Ryou yet?"

It was Malik.

"Yeah, I'm bringing him home now. You still at my place, by the way Malik? I never did discuss that with you, did I?"

Malik sighed, and the tone of his voice changed. "That's what we spent ten minutes talking about last night. You must have really been distracted… Or, at least, doing the right thing and worrying about Ryou."

Bakura's small smile faded with that. "I know I deserved that, but Malik, honestly. I thought you forgave me because you thought Marik was a--"

"Totally heartless bastard that I should never have bothered fucking?" Malik asked, his voice emotionless. Bakura allowed a short silence to pass, the tension between the two Egyptians rising with every passing second.

"I didn't want to remind you, but I just thought…" Bakura shrugged, even though he knew the Tomb Keeper would not see it. "… Well, I'm not worthy of being forgiven, really, am I? Not after I succumbed to Marik's… well…" Another short and uncomfortable silence reigned.

"I know I shouldn't be asking this, but will you ever forgive me, Malik?"

A small, quiet sigh. "I honestly don't know. Sometimes, I do wonder… if everything you did was a part Marik's brainwashing plan."

Bakura increased the grip on his phone. "So, what you're saying is-"

"What I'm saying is that I can't be sure of anything right now."

Bakura smiled. "I don't expect you to be. After what Marik's done, it's fucked up your senses. It's gonna be a while before you can fully, honestly trust someone again. And with my record, I wouldn't want to trust me again either."

"Look, I have to go. I'll be waiting for you inside." And with that, Marik ended the conversation.

Ryou stopped Bakura walking with his less injured arm, wide-eyed. Bakura immediately noticed that the middle spike of his light's Millennium Ring was risen and pointing at him, and understood. Ryou had activated _that _ability of the Ring, and had heard every fucking word. As if just hearing from one end of the conversation wasn't enough…

"Bakura?"

The Tomb Robber could barely look in his hikari's eyes. Ryou's hand fell from his yami's arm, eyes narrowed as he stared at the Thief's downcast eyes. In all fairness… it served him right.

"Bakura… what was the point of telling me about Nefertiri, anyway?"

Bakura smiled and carried on walking.

"I think it was something along the lines of don't steal fish from a crowded ancient Egyptian market when there's a guard standing right next to you."

"_Bakura."_

Now _that _sounded fierce. Bakura smiled.

"Don't ever turn into me. I'd rather die to see you end up like I did… but then, I suppose those are empty words, coming from me." Bakura sighed. "I've said it before, and you won't believe me. But I truly am sorry, Ryou… I'm sorry…"

Yami's koi: uhh… It's two fifteen in the morning over here in England at the moment… I'm probably keeping everyone awake with my typing and creaking of the loft ladders whenever I stop for a break… I'm so tired…

Nefertiri: hey! I was in the chap! And what a crappy story!

Yami's koi: yeah. I own Nefertiri, btw. But not in a gay way. **(Sighs) **Gies, I am so sorry about the wait. A lot of crazy stuff has been going on these past few days. Like, I got a tattoo… of the Heartagram, from HIM. School finally broke up… still going to school and a tattoo tells you a lot, doesn't it? My Mom's boyfriend had moved in, they've known each other since 5/11/04, or 11/5/04 if you're American, it's too soon, my sister is moving out and leaving me with her, omg I sound so depressing.

Nefertiri: just stay cool, yamiskoi.

Yami's koi: ah, I guess so. Reviews shall be greatly appreciated, kk? And I'm sorry this chap sucked, I'm having problems writing angst at the moment. I need to get re-motivated. Luvvies! Thanks for reading/reviewing/both so far! Please, do so again in the future!


	8. I'll give you two weeks

Yami's koi: wow! Hi there, this is an actual update, since when has anything of the sort occurred in a while?

Nefertiri: what's with the Posh-Ness?

Yami's koi: well… I just had a lotta sugar… Lol. Too much of my mom's birthday present can be a bad thing.

Nefertiri: **(Sighs)**

Yami's koi: okay, here's the chapter of Headstrong. I was kinda figuring out where to go with this, so it might be somewhat of a slow start!

Ryou's eyes turned away from Bakura, afraid of revealing too much. He said nothing for a while, and so they carried on walking. Just before they reached their front door, however, Ryou paused.

"Whilst you may say that… I may believe you…" Bakura glanced up, hopefully. His light's eyes were dark, and unhappy.

"… But it will take me a long time until I can trust you."

And with that said, Ryou unlocked the front door and entered. He immediately inhaled the scent of cleaning products, and walked slowly into the living room.

It had changed dramatically. Newspapers, magazines and papers were stacked neatly into a holder. The chairs and tables looked brand new, and clean for once – no dried vomit, no cigarette ash, no nothing. Just cleanness. The carpet was still slightly damp in places, but, looking down, Ryou was glad to see that he had not stepped in a pile of sick. Now, that was something. Empty wine bottles, beer cans and the like had been taken away, probably now in the trash.

And there was an even bigger surprise waiting for him in the chair nearest to the window.

"Hi Ryou…" Malik said softly, uncertainty and apprehension lost in his voice. "I…" He opened his arms, rising to a stand. "Welcome home."

All Ryou could do was stare at him in wonder.

"Malik… you did this!" He exclaimed, limping over to the Egyptian and embracing him. Malik seemed to tense in his arms.

"Well… Bakura was cleaning when I came here, so I decide to help, once I'd calmed down." Malik explained, drawing away from Ryou's shoulder to look his friend in the eye. "But is it a nice surprise?"

Ryou had to bite his tongue slightly at this. His head warned him that this was all a charade, and that as soon as he began to trust and forgive Bakura again, he would strike. His heart, however, told him not to doubt his yami… to give him a chance. After all, was it really Bakura's fault that he had been possessed?

Bakura shrugged at his hikari's lack of response, quietly leaving the house so that Malik and Ryou could talk. If they wanted privacy, then they could have it.

Ryou used his delay as an excuse to splutter slightly, barely acknowledging that his yami had left.

"Well, what do you think! This place looks amazing!" Ryou exclaimed, hiding his inner pain and dark thoughts. 'Can I trust Malik as well? Am I just being paranoid, or should I be cautious? Marik could possess him, too… he did so easily to Bakura, and now that Marik and Malik have split, he could want revenge.'

Malik regarded his friend quietly, making mental notes. His eyes remained unreadable, but a certain amount of discomfort radiated from him. Ryou didn't look at him for a while, and then he slowly turned and sat back down.

And then, Malik clicked in. He froze.

"You think… I'm being possessed, don't you?"

Almost ashamed at his own mistrust, Ryou nodded, raising his head.

"I don't want to think that way, but Marik must be furious at you ditching him. If we don't hear from him again, it would be a miracle. I just… can't help but feel like I should be cautious about who I trust… that's all. And I don't want to accuse, or make enemies, but I can't be too careful." Ryou explained in a low, sad tone.

Malik smiled brightly. "Well, I haven't felt anything yet. The mind link is frozen, of course," He added, seeing Ryou's sceptical grin, "But other than that, I can't feel any change in myself. Apart from…" He trailed off, one hand slowly curling around his side to touch the bottom of his back self-consciously, "You know…"

Ryou barely made a nod, his mind rampant with thoughts. He had to express himself now, whilst he still had the attention… because that was, surely, why Malik was there.

"The people at the hospital wanted me to take counselling."

Malik raised an eyebrow. "And? What did you say?"

Ryou shrugged. "I told them where to go. I'm not bothered about counselling… as long as I finally get noticed."

At that, Malik felt even guiltier. He shifted on his feet, before backing into a chair. Out of habit when he was nervous, he withdrew his Millennium Rod, staring at his gold surface, seeing his reflection.

"I know none of us has exactly been talking to you much lately," Malik whispered, still staring at his lavender eyes in the circular surface, "But we still thought about you. In all fairness, you never did come out with us when we asked…"

"That was because you would all be kissing and feeling each other up, something that I shouldn't have been jealous about, but I was." Ryou cut in suddenly, eyes narrowing as he stared at the newly cleaned carpet. "I've never felt love like that, apart from when Mom was alive. And I hate to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, and like I'm an attention seeker, but I was reluctant to let that happen again… to be loved, and then to have it cruelly taken away."

Malik nodded, understanding. "I know. I can't blame you for that, but your Mom is dead. I'm sorry that Bakura hasn't been the best yami in the world, and I almost wish that you and him could love each other."

Ryou smirked uncharacteristically. "Now, now, don't make it sound like you're a member of the Love, Life and Slut Association set up by Anzu, dedicated to spreading peace and love. Bakura just… isn't the kind of person I would go for."

Malik understood that.

"And I guess it'll take a while before you can trust him again."

Ryou nodded, and then began to voice more of what was on his mind. He hadn't vented in what had seemed to be an age… and this was a non-violent, non-painful way of doing it. He missed feeling a blade across his wrist, and the sweatband covering it up… but knew that if life was going to go the way it was now, he would never have to look at a knife like it was a lover.

"Malik…" He didn't go on until the Egyptian's eyes looked at his own. "Tell me… and be honest, please… Would you honestly blame me if I never trusted him again?"

Malik sighed. He had feared something like this would crop up. Advice was no generally something he wad good at giving, but if Ryou would benefit from it, appreciate it… then he would just have to do his best.

"Well… yes and no. I wouldn't blame you if you never trusted him again because I know, as well as you know, that every time Shadow Magic is used, it takes energy from you. If this energy level drops down to a very low number, then the person's state can become critical. And, of course, if it drops to zero… then they die. Maintaining a spell also takes a lot out of you, and I rarely ever felt much energy being zapped away from Marik, but my mind was usually focused on… other things.

"So, because of this, we can't be certain that Bakura was always under Marik's influence. He may have had side effects to the excessive amounts of Shadow Magic place upon him, but we can't be sure of that, either. What Bakura did… we can't always say it was Marik's doing, because we weren't experiencing what the Tomb Robber was. And I'm pretty sure that if he said there were days when he didn't fell any different, you wouldn't believe him. So… no, in that aspect, I wouldn't blame you. If that was all, then I'd call you nuts if you even considered forgiving Bakura."

Ryou squeezed his eyes shut. He knew that there was more to come, and Malik's last speech had almost given him a headache. It played with his mind.

"And why you wouldn't blame me?"

Malik smiled, continuing. "Again I refer back to what I just said. He must have had days where he wasn't under Marik's influence, and so there were no beatings. We can't be sure of this, but Bakura may have been fighting against Marik's magic… that might also have been why you didn't get yourself abused. And, also…" Malik shifted in his chair slightly.

"Bakura was the one who called the Ambulance. I doubt that he would have done that if he wanted to kill you… otherwise, he would have taken great pleasure in watching you… well, die." Malik said bluntly, blushing at how open-minded he sounded. "And he wouldn't have stayed in the hospital with you last night had he always been that way, regardless of what magic Marik had imposed upon him."

Every time Malik had said his yami's name, a hint of anger and spite entered his voice, only to fade away when the next word was voiced. Ryou thought about what Malik had said, and saw that it all made sense.

Malik, however, wasn't about to allow Ryou to fall silent so quickly.

"So, why did you ask? Are you wondering if you should give him a second chance?"

Ryou nodded. "Yeah… I am…" He muttered, not giving too much away. "I still feel cautious about what I do, but then people would think I was deliberately cutting him off," He added, to himself. Malik heard what he said, and sighed.

"Don't be put under pressure by what you think other people will do. Yami said he would have banished Bakura to the Shadow Realm… but didn't because he wanted you to decide."

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Great. I don't even know if I want him in either Realm, to be honest… It's confusing."

Malik patted his friend on the shoulder. "Well, if you ever need relief… I mean, help… you know where I am."

Ryou shook the hand off lightly. "Gomen… but I doubt I'll be falling for you. I'm never going to be able to trust anyone fully again after this… I know how much hurt men can cause."

Malik's eyes brightened at tat. "So you _are _gay?"

Ryou shrugged. He didn't really have much time to consider things like that, not with being abused for fuck all anyway… and if Bakura had known him to be gay, who knows what Marik would have had him do? He would admit to himself things like that when he was good and ready.

"Put it this way: Mai's kissed more girls than me."

_**Bakura**_

He wasn't going anywhere in particular, but he just happened to walk into the Kame Game Shop, where Yugi was stocking shelves. He turned, and his eyes narrowed.

"I see you're still here," He hissed, unknown malice hurled at Bakura. His amethyst eyes, usually full of happiness and love… all the things that Bakura knew little of… well, at the moment, Yugi's eyes were full of emotions that the Thief considered normal.

He shrugged. "I just came over to say that we know why I was hurting Ryou. It was Marik's Millennium Rod, putting me under his Influence… and whenever Malik's tattoo burned, that was when his energy was really being drained away, maintaining the spell over me. That's all.

"But you won't believe me, will you? You'll just think that I'm either lying, or that I was only Marik's puppet like, once a week. But whatever you think, I couldn't give a shit. I just want to rebuild a new life, for me and my hikari."

Yugi glared at Bakura.

"And that's what you came here to say?" He asked, voice so seething that it was almost chilling. An innocent young man was practically killing Bakura with his voice.

Bakura shrugged. "In all reality, little Yugi, I don't know why I even came here at all. I left Malik and Ryou alone together so that they could talk… I'm not one to butt in, so I complied."

Yugi rolled his eyes, just as his yami appeared in the doorway leading into the house they shared. His eyes narrowed.

"You!"

Bakura raised his arms to lie horizontal, and he grinned.

"In the flesh, Pharaoh. If Yugi doesn't tell you what I just told you… then fine, but you'll be the ones missing out. Ryou's at home now… he might appreciate a friend, someone who doesn't actually hold a Millennium Rod."

Yami jumped at that, checking the time. It was just about near closing time, so he instantly began to prepare the shop to close. Bakura grinned, turning and exiting from the shop, heading back home. If the two Mutou's followed him, then so be it.

_**Ryou and Malik**_

Malik gave Ryou a sympathetic look.

"Well… obviously you haven't known about _her _sexuality then, either."

Ryou groaned, closing his eyes. No way… no way did he and Mai share something like that in common.

"Oh Gods, the only girls I know who she knows are Anzu, them annoying girls who hang outside the Grocery Store, Ishizu, Shizuka--"

"Okay, stop there!" Malik cut in, grinning. Ryou frowned for a moment… and understood the boy's clever timing. Mai and… Shizuka? No… way.

Well, it was better than he and Anzu. Had that transpired, Ryou would have seriously considered taking a gun to Mai's head and asking her very searching questions about her sanity. Still, an unusual couple… he had always had Mai down as a bi, but not with someone as gentle and as caring as Shizuka… Ishizu was definitely out, though. Although pretty in her own way, Ryou doubted she was the type Mai would go for. He almost laughed when he had a brain freeze moment and asked himself who was dominant in the Ma/Ka relationship.

"Dude… I don't know if I'm on pot or if the rest of the world is. Either way, I think I'm losing it," Ryou stated, leaning back in his seat casually. Malik shrugged.

"Hey, just updating you. Better to know everything than not, eh?"

Ryou gave him a dark look. "Does that apply with you and Marik?" He asked before he could stop himself.

Malik's eyes seemed to harden, and the colour within darkened. They went so cold, Ryou felt his soul shiver inside of him. When Malik next spoke, his voice was a low and deadly hiss.

"Yes, Ryou… It does."

Just at that moment, when Malik's eye colour returned to the normal lavender, the door opened. Glancing up, Ryou saw Yugi, Yami and Bakura enter. His heart dropped down a notch, but didn't allow any readable emotion to pass across his face.

"Hey Ryou," Yugi tried softly, standing in front of the obviously emotionally confused boy. Ryou said nothing, just staring at his friends in a silent moment that pissed Yami off slightly. Ryou sensed it just as well as Yugi could, but gave no response other than a fleeting grin.

"Um… you okay there, Ryou?" Yugi asked timidly, getting more and more apprehensive every second. He had wanted to come over and help Ryou to recover, not to make him think that his death would be just another thing on his conscience.

Ryou shrugged – the first response Yugi had managed to coax from him.

"I've been better."

Yugi frowned slightly at the short, hollow answer, but didn't let his determination waver any.

"At least you're not in hospital anymore, right? None of those annoying people asking you to go into counselling… Bet that's a relief, eh?"

Again, Ryou gave a short answer: "I guess."

Yami decided to butt in.

"Would you prefer it if we left, Ryou? Because I honestly don't know what you want from us at this moment. You tried to kill yourself because you felt so neglected, and then you treat us like shit?"

Ryou gave the Pharaoh a very small smile. "I don't know what I want from you. But I was wondering…" Ryou stood and began to circle around Yugi, Yami and Bakura, very slowly. "… If you would like to start over. I've learnt to never waste time on someone unwilling to waste time on me… And it does make so much sense, wouldn't you agree?

"So… this offer is to everyone but Bakura. What do you think, Yami and Yugi? You want to sleep on it… or are you going to tell me your answer now?" Ryou stretched, showing off his smooth, flat stomach. "Either way, I'm not fussed. But it would be nice to know that at least three people out there care for me: Yugi, Yami and Malik."

Bakura's heart jumped when he heard Ryou speak his name – at least he didn't hate him more than Malik did Marik – but then felt his stomach drop when he heard that Ryou wasn't bothering to offer him the same as what he did to Yami and Yugi.

Yami turned to his hikari, discussing the proposition through the mind link. Yugi's eyes kept changing expressions, not that it meant much to Ryou. He would appreciate it if he had friends as great as them, but he wasn't going to allow this agreement to be a light-hearted thing they all forgot within a week. If they didn't arrange to meet, go out or socialise with each other at least twice a week… then Ryou would tell them to fuck off. He didn't have time for people like that, and after what he had been through, he thought he was being quite rational. After all, didn't he deserve something of the sort?

Of course, whenever he asked himself a question such as that, he always came to the same conclusion.

Yami turned back to face Ryou, regarding him warily.

"You mean this? You're being serious?"

Ryou shrugged. "How ever serious you wish to take me now, Yami, is up to you. But I think I am being deadly serious… But it's okay if you won't accept. Really. I wouldn't cry over you."

Yami's eyes curved happily. He extended his hand.

"Offer accepted."

Ryou gave him an actual true smile – it was fleeting, but it warmed his friend's heart on impact.

Bakura leaned against the doorframe. He knew he deserved much less than what Ryou was giving him already, which wasn't much, but he just felt so… lonely.

And then he realised what Ryou was trying to do to him. He was attempting to make him feel as he did when he was trying to kill himself… No one there to listen to him, no one who would give him the time of day. He felt so degraded for a moment that he took a step back, losing his balance.

Ryou seemed to acknowledge this at any rate, and turned to face his yami. His expression didn't change, but something warned Bakura that his fate was being decided. He raised his arms.

"Well… If you're to have a new life, I guess someone had better banish me to the Shadow Realm." He said quietly, trembling inside. "Otherwise it will all start again, right? That's what you believe."

Ryou fingered his Millennium Ring, staring at Bakura in thought. He gripped it suddenly, tearing the cord off from around his neck. He pointed it at Bakura, and the Thief gave him a wry smile.

"Make sure you don't end up where I'm going, Ryou." He muttered softly, but he knew his hikari had heard him. Bakura gave him a small smile, but it wasn't of his usual evil standard – it was actually a true smile, like the one Ryou had just gave to Yami.

Ryou just stared at the end of his Item, one of the spikes pointing directly at his yami. With a sigh, he lowered the Ring and turned slightly. He didn't wish to talk to the Thief directly.

"I will not send you to the Shadow Realm because you deserve a place much different than that," He said softly, eyes hardening uncharacteristically. "However…

"Just because I am willing to give you that much dignity and respect… doesn't mean that it will ever be anything more. You still have a lot of things you owe me for… and I intend to get them back. I've missed a good few years of my life for you, and I want them back, too."

Bakura swallowed, hard. His finger pressed into a long scar that shot up his side, purely out of nervousness.

"So… Does this mean that you trust me?"

Ryou turned his head slightly, just so that he could see his yami from the corner of his eye. "I trust you no more than I do Marik. You must prove to me that you can be trusted… that when you were under Marik's influence, you beat me, and that when you were not Marik's puppet… You were good to me." Ryou's eyes lowered. "I can't recall many of those times, so you may just have to remind me about some of them. Refresh my memory when you have some idea of how lonely I felt."

Bakura gave his light a watery smile. "I think I know a millionth of that sorrow right now. But for now… that will do."

Ryou nodded, turning back to face the wall.

"Now, get the hell out of here. I need some time to think. Tomorrow you will begin persuading me. You have two weeks, did I mention that?" Ryou smiled at his own wickedness. "No, I don't believe that I did. Anyway, go on. Leave. There I things I must do with my _friends_ first."

The amount of emphasis Ryou put on the word 'friends' made Bakura hiss, but not from anger – from the knowledge that his hikari could be just as vindictive, just as sadistic as he could when he tried.

And the strange thing was… Bakura loved it.

Yami's koi: wow… sorry about the wait, gies! I had a bit of writers' block when writing this, so… ehe?

Nefertiri: writer's block. Yeah, right. You added at least two chapters on Accidents Can Happen whilst you wrote this.

Yami's koi: well, I actually know where ACH is going, that's bloody well why! Um. Reviews and fan art would be greatly appreciated, would you believe it. So… angsty ending, or a romantic ending? You can decide for me, I'm not bothered… But it would be nice if I wrote something about what you gies wanted to see, rather than just some random bull.

Nefertiri: basically, she doesn't want to write what she normally does. So there.

Yami's koi: something like that, yeah. So… review me, onegai? You get a chibi picture of Jou… well, as soon as I get a scanner you will, Lol. JA NE!


	9. The Excuses I Regreat Having

Yami's koi: … Okay… Trust me, I am beating myself up right now. Pretty much a year and I have written not even a word. I've had a lot going on but even that shouldn't be an excuse. But here some of them are anyway:

I told my Mom I'm bi, with disastrous results, her boyfriend moved in after them knowing each other for only six months, my sister moved out with her fiancée, my Nan is now in hospital and I've had a few bitchin' exams. I know you don't wanna hear these excuses… But there they are.

Now I am finally prepared to once again take up my pen and write something to this fic. I am getting myself re-familiarised with the plot and what I had planned as you are reading this. I understand how long it has been and I am so sorry. I want to make it up to all of you. And I will. I'm not doing this because of guilt either – I'm doing it because my love of writing has dwindled due to lack of motivation. Now, that motivation is back and by God, I love it.

I love each and every one of you.

Your comments have never gone unappreciated.

I look forward to becoming a better author under your guidance.

X yamiskoi X


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